Collecting thoughts

"Its been a long time since I have added anything here...A lot of water has passed under the bridge since my last post...Although it was more of retaliation than reflection of thoughts...."

This is how I started this post almost a week ago... Full of thoughts, rage and disappointment. There have been some intricate things going on that kept me busy throughout....Reflecting on which I think they were more trivial in nature than intricate...

Coming to recent things, I celebrated my birthday this week... It has been a great event, thanks to some great people... Had it not been a combined effort by all, it would have been a different night altogether... Everyone put their best to enjoy themselves... Manish with his knack to arrange for things at the last moment, Presh with his handling, Terry with his usual jovial self, Chabbra ji for uncut humor and Jagpal, Anshu, Vivek & Bhalla with their ability to enjoy without reservations; made it a grand success... You can visit http://picasaweb.google.com/harjotsandhu/BirthdayBash to see what it was like...

It was a real effort by my IBM folks. It was almost an insurmountable task to come to Jalandhar and get back to Delhi in span of 24 hours...

TO ALL, WHO REMEMBERED THE OCCASION, YOU MEAN A LOT...AND TO THOSE WHO FORGOT, I STILL LOVE YOU....

Hmmmmmm

I came in here to write something after completing one month off IBM. I had some disconnected and distinct thoughts that I wanted to share here... However, all that has taken a backseat now as I just went through a comment on my last post... It struck me like a sledge hammer and I had all the right and means to moderate the comment and not publish it. I however chose not to do so and let the spirit of free speech stay alive. This, it seems is not a mutual thought among many. As clearly intended from the said comment, our chosen way was off track to get our voices heard or opinion counted. The comment also sounded like placing me in the center of all that happened. My take on it is, that if I had an influence over others to do this to our leader, which clearly wasn't the case; then he deserved this. There is no point of it all if we can't take a feedback professionally, and I deny to clarify myself to anyone who thinks that it should have been taken personally and rated as such.

I guess there were enough efforts from the side to generate a dialogue which almost EVERYTIME ended up as an arguement and not discussion. I also see the root of the problem as people, who for all these years have denied to question the authority. I distinctly remember Ritesh telling me to introspect for EVERYTHING that I talked to him about. I guess he didn't introspect enough to foresee it. I would again point out that if I can influence people against a leader, then I think he is not the leader for them...

I guess this rage will not let me write about anything else at this time... So long. Lord help all...

Currently.......

Its been a week here now. It is actually more than that, 12 days that is. These days have been a very struggling as far as settling in goes. I am still not able to get a sleep of more than 6-7 hours & enjoy a weekend at home. This whole diaspora of being at home has not been realized yet. I guess it will take some time before feeling actually start to sink in.

I am still in touch with many of the IBMers, though its not much that we talk about. It is general chit chat and thats where it all ends. I definitely miss all of them. I miss messing with Ritesh, I miss singing with Atri jee, I miss gorging with Jagpal, I miss flirting with Mano, Sneha, Jo, Geetika, Shaleenee and who not; I miss baklol with Anshu, I miss desipan with Garry, I miss hindi with Vinay, I miss everything. I don't see a place to have late night snack & I don't see a place to buy the drinks after hours.

It seems like that you actually can't beat a metro at all, let alone NCR.

Yeh dilli hai mere yaar, bas ishq mohabbat pyar...

Old Place...New Beginning....

Here I am...Sitting in my offfice at Jalandhar.....Still trying to recover from Jet lag...It is day two and I was already off work for the day..Just come in to replace Terry for the rest of the time...He had to leave, you know...

I am still trying to figure out the system and things to do before actually implementing any improvements to it...I guess I am just a day old here and one waste elimination idea is not bad.....The idea though is not entirely mine, but what good is an idea without implementation....
I think that options are available in abundance for changes to be made..The tough thing is to decide on what to do and how to go about it... Also the expectations and accountability is almost on magical levels, it seems... Nothing new though... Problem this time, however is that, that is why I am here now.... In case there are any issues in changes or transitions, I don't think I can justify myself...Not that I need to explain it to anyone, but to myself as well... I guess thats criminal's guilt building up.... Leaving IBM seems like leaving home now.. The feeling has finally started to build up and I hope it subsides too....
मुझ से बिछ्ढ़ के खुश रहते हो,
मेरी तरह तुम भी झूठे हो.

Ex-IBMer... Current professional...

I am an Ex-IBMer finally...It has been a highly speculative time... Some people believing it all to be a big joke that turned out out to be shocking truth... Now, I didn't feel any different today than any other day at office. Everything was so usual except the people's behavior toward me... They had this feeling that I can't describe.. Everyone was talking abut the same thing and asking the exact same questions...Some people still found it hard to believe that I would not be walking the calculus floor again...Not for quite some time at least...

Question that comes to my mind now is that if it will make any difference in my mindset...Will not being a part of IBM make any difference in how I look at myself....This is keeping in mind that I was a minuscule part of it and it actually didn't make any difference to the bigger universe...People move in and out of organizations everyday...I have taken the jump but will I be able to cross the quarry...After being so detached to and independent of family, Will I be able to hold on to all of it at once..Will it not overwhelm? I know it sounds negative and foolish, especially when there is no looking back...but the question still remains...

I guess Gaurav wins here...Its My way or Highway.....

Crossing the Iron Curtain...

Finally, I have decided to move on from my current position...Yes..I have resigned from IBM and now moving back to Jalandhar to join Impel....yet again..The decision has not been taken on impulse nor has it been decided overnight...It has taken a long time and a lot of thought..Of course it has its own share of speculations to it, but overall it has been a very much thought of step.. I have taken into consideration the valuable inputs from all around including, but not limited to, Prabh, Jagpal, Anshu & Nikhil. Yet manu other have expressed their doubts and concerns about the move , i guess overall it has been received well....The decision that is....Sunny is visibly upset about it, sole reason being that he would be left alone in almost a quarter of a year. Same sentiments have expressed by others at office as well, primarily Ritesh and Anshu. Jagpal has in hidden words said so as well(mai bhukkha reh jaana kanjra) but I think he is happy for me overall...

Professionally, I think it would be smart to move to my core skill. Something that I have attached myself since my school days. Impel. I don't think I can detach myself from it anyways, with or without working with them. I consider it more of working with them instead of working for them. The feeling about fact that I would be returning to base in 10 days or so is very different. I don't think I am feeling anything different though. It is mixed with pangs of sadness, confusion, sympathy and what not, but I guess it is all part of game. that is what it is at end of the day. A game which we all are trying to beat the life at.

प्यास बुझा सकता नहीं, मेरी बस इक्क पैमाना

मुझको तोह बस पीना है मय्खाने का मयखाना.

Transitions..Changes..Broader Views...

These past 15 days have been a heck of a time...Too many things and I guess too short of a time...

First things first, Gopi got married last weekend..yep our own Casanova is now committed to one.

The occasion however brought it's own set of problems for us..First we had to find a new place for us, that is Me, Prabh & Sunny. Believe me it has been the toughest job since landing in Delhi. We are finally settled into a PG now...Yep, provided the current condition we are in, it is better to live in a PG....

Second significant thing that has happened in this period is that Kapil has resigned from his position as DM quality to join another organization in a better position and better conditions. For all those who don't know who he is, I guess it doesn't matter to them. Obviously, if you don't know him then it should not concern you. Its been a quite an experience working with him. And I must say that it has not been pleasant ride all along. As with any other relationship, personal or professional, this one also had its ups and downs. We hated to love him and loved to hate him at times...It was other way round as well at some point...But I guess that happens with everyone, everywhere. Honestly, no grudges or regrets...It is all part of game I guess...You win you lose but you keep on playing... Thanks Kapil...for being there..doing that....

Third thing that is over my mind these days is actually an urge, not an event. I have this strong feeling of leaving all this and returning back to my place. This thought has been triggered by a proposal to join Impel, back at home, somewhat persistently. Manish and Terry has offered me to join back in better position and improved conditions. I would be leaving for Jalandhar this weekend to discuss he proposal. I might decide to return to base finally. I have my reservations to it though। In case I don't fit in there, like I felt earlier, I don't think I have the option to move out and start all over like I did 3 years ago. This decision would decide if these three years were invested or wasted. I have been trying to talk to Ritesh (my manager) about it for last couple of days but he is too busy to talk about anything else. I don't want it be a surprise for him. I guess it would be a shock for him. Although I know that he won't acknowledge it.

I guess somethings are better left to destiny. They should be dealt only when faced with them.

Lets see...It is just a couple of days before I am actually into the mode to decide about it. This would need a lot of thought and urging (self-urging rather) to make a move. Now I understand what crossing the Iron curtain mean.

Again. These are for you Kapeel.. :-)

करोगे याद तोह हर बात याद आयेगी, गुज़रते वक्त की हर मौज ठहर जायेगी ।

गली के मोड़ पे सूना सा कोई दरवाज़ा, तरसती आंखों से रास्ता किसी का देखेगा,

निगाह दूर तलक जाके लौट आएगी.

Condolences !!!

This post is dedicated to condole the loss of a dear one to one of my best friends....Anshu has lost his sister to unforeseen... No words can fill the void that the departed has left and no one can replace the any other person...She was what she was and no one can be her...or take her place...Yet so is the world's doings...We must move on....May the lord give Her family the power to bear the grief and move forward... May lord be with her and keep her in his shelter forever and ever....
कभी देखो मन नही जागे, पीछे पीछे सपनो के भागे,
एक दिन सपनो का राही चला जाए सपनो के आगे.

Disconnected Thoughts...

I see darkness... Darkness out there...Darkness in here...darkness standing on terrace...darkness sitting in a room...darkness of the night...darkness of the mighty heart...this makes me think...or this thinking makes me ponder..why is it such dark everywhere..be it me, anyone or anything..everything is of a dark shade..Even white seems like a faded shade of black...And no, I am not depressed or under influence of alcohol at the moment...and I am not frustrated at this time too... Its just that the thought came along with many other...

Other thoughts..that include my carrier, people around me..people far from me, people close to me & people away from me...I don't see the reason for being so connected...yet so disengaged...no one actually gives a damn about anything other than what directly or indirectly concerns them...Heck they don't even care about things that affect them indirectly...

And what about love...has there to be a commitment to it..has there to be a condition to it....
I know what you are thinking Prabh(meet), but its not about her alone...Its about any kind of love that you might think of...family..friends..work....anything....I prided myself for being a workaholic..but that love for work doesn't exist anymore...does that make me less committed to it..I don't think so...So if commitment doesn't demand love...How come love needs commitment...and if they are mutually independent..then why the hell do we have to talk about getting it out of our minds...I guess you see where I am getting to...I don't want to venture into that territory... I really don't want to..Let it rest here...

हजारों ख्वाहिशे ऐसी के हर ख्वाहिश पे दम निकले,
बहुत निकले मेरे अरमान, मगर फ़िर भी कम निकले.

Near future....Don't know....

I have taken a step to move away from my current situation...Problem is that I am not sure if that is what I will do... Of course I want to end all this and return to normal life, if it exists that is...but then, what do I need to do..or do I even need to do anything or just wait...I hope waiting is not what I should be doing...It is wise to make the hay while sun shines..So I should start the efforts now and look for things as they come... Its no harm in being prepared...

I even got an offer to return to base...in new improved conditions...My hesitation is that the conditions might come across again which forced me to jump the curtain last time...People are of opinion that this would not happen but then if it does, I don't think I can do another transition....All these choices are actually making things worse for me...and these aren't even realized into choices..these are just plans that are being formulated around me....

Returning back to base also would have some loss of face attached to it I guess.... Maybe returning is not an option..Maybe it is...but then that all would need an intimate, if not lengthy, discussion... A small pep talk is not enough to help me decide on such a big decision....I need someone to talk about it heart to heart...Another difference is that people are not assertive to this idea to the extent that they were sometime ago...If it would have been an offer a year or so earlier, I guess enough people would have plainly denied on it..but now, to almost everyone I talked to about it, sounds OK about it...Of course they have their own reservations but they are not the same kind that they had earlier..

So I don't know what future holds....not that anyone else knows but I don't even know what the flow is and where might I land up in a year or so...Help me decide...

Frustration...All around !!!

I have realized something this weekend...that frustration is much more prevalent than it seems...There are more people affected by it than what I am able to see...The realization came to me when I was consoling someone...We were talking about the frustration in both personal and professional life...and the question she posed was "Why me?" The answer came to me like a lighting bolt and in almost a reflex action I rattled it off...It wasn't actually an answer to her question but more of response to it...and that made me feel better as well personally. I said, and realized too, that there is no way we can know that it is happening only to us..There might be other people who are dealing with similar or may be more stress than us...Can anyone tell that she is in so much pain by just looking at her..No..not even the people she meets at the office daily...Similarly you can't tell what others are going through.... So stop pitying yourself and move on...

Then I realized that the same applies to me as well...Why be so frustrated with people around me... Why take it out on them??? After all this whole frustration thing is based on the assumed premise that it is happening only to me and all other are better off....Now this maybe right or wrong..but there is no way to know...So moving on is the only option that we have...

यूं तो मालूम है जन्नत की हकीकत लेकिन,
दिल के खुश रखने को ग़ालिब ये ख्याल अच्छा है...

Taste buds...Yummmmm!!!!

Hurrayy!!!! It is my 50th post ...and what better topic to write other than food and celebrations....

Naseer, one of my peers, got married last week... and by virtue of which I had my long desire fulfilled..to eat hardcore Muslim food..and believe me..it tastes as good as it looks....I don't remember when was last time I had such subtly flavored chicken lolly pop...or so soft Seekh kebabs....

Now some of you might find it offensive that I should be eating hardcore Muslim food being a Sikh...but I have another view on it...One, I shouldn't be eating any kind of meat in the first place...Second, If I do, that is eat meat, it shouldn't matter how is it cooked because you can't guarantee if its jhatka or halaal sitting in a restaurant....So my advice...go on and indulge if you eat meat....It doesn't matter who or where is it cooked as long as its hygienic..or at least projected to be hygienic....I mean what you don't know doesn't hurt you....kind of twisted but I call it reverse logic....

So coming back to wedding part..It was quite a lavish and liberal wedding compared to what we had imagined...lots of ladies around..and good food too..We had so much snacks that we could only so much for main course...It was a Non-vegetarian's heaven out there that night... and then we had a lazy cup of coffee at CCD while returning...Incidentally there were four Muslim women and a couple of guys at the CCD...All four ladies were wearing burkha...Seems like it was Muslim night out... :-)

I am craving for some more of the similar food...Probably I would end up eating some usual kebabs or chicken dishes...I think its time to sign-off coz writing about all this is pushing me more towards craving for the food....

Go on..Indulge...

Out of the Box...Really?

I was just going through the newspaper when an Advert caught my Eye...It was about a session by someone from American Society of Quality(ASQ). One of the topics that he was to talk about was thinking out of the box... It really made me think and a whole chain of thoughts unfolded...

I think that this whole concept is self contradictory...I may not be entirely correct but then, someone needs to clarify it...By definition thinking out of the box would mean thinking beyond your boundaries or from a new perspective...That means that we first need to define the box...and so that would mean that you must acknowledge the boundaries or blocks around you...I feel that this acknowledgement of the 'box' itself contradicts the concept...What or who, then, would decide what the box is...It cannot be you... because if you think that you are thinking out of the box that means you have decided upon the box...but what made you decide on that box size...You can define the domain of your authority...but can you really decide upon domain of your thinking?

So is this whole concept of thinking out of the box a management fad?....Seems so...but then..who knows...someone might have greater clarity on it...Lets see...I will comeback to it if I have some more insight...

Another transition???

I have spent time to introspect since my last post...and thought of another transition has crossed my mind more than once....Thought of leaving it all and starting onto something different..entirely out of it...where my work would decide what would it be and not other way around....of course every job is designated by some vision and goal but the kind of contorted vision that we are made to follow all this time has made me look at all this from a different point of view altogether... Maybe I will join Prabh in quest to finding a better option..Better in terms of personal life and peace of mind..probably job security and better prospects..This is not taking me anywhere...3D vision has started fading as it seems dark all around....All this time spent is all waste if there are no opportunities in here...that is I think the biggest problem of all... All the experience that you garner over time is of no use anywhere else...unless you are in managerial position for quite sometime of course...but that kind of position and profile is something that I don't see coming for quite sometime...and I am not the only one with this view...Seemingly this is common all around....from senior leadership to Operation workforce...FLs, TLs, DMs.....All seem to be bitten by the reality bug..but it probably is too late to deal with it...it is all uphill from here....and I don't mind going uphill if I know that there is a peak and I have it in visible range...no matter how far it is, I want to see the peak so I can decide to walk the path...Problem is I don't see the peak..I bloody don't even see the road to it.... All I can say is that these are tough times and I need to work it out before I go berserk and take some desperate &  disastorous step...

Itni shakti hamein dena daata...mann ka vishwas kamzor ho na....

Trip to heaven....and back

I was on a short trip recently to Amritsar... A real short one which infact was longer than my usual visit home..an extended weekend that is...I t was me, Jagpal, Anshu & Vivek on this trip...and all of us were us...No office, no targets, no KRAs, no nothing...

It had been a relaxing trip overall...Mentally at least, if not physically... Phsically we were kind of exhausted with virtual continuous travel...Delhi to Jalandhar to Amritsar to Jalandhar to Delhi....Three places..three days..and we were back on third day.....This trip has given me what I longed for quite sometime...a break..a  much needed break....

But it has been quite a different experience after coming back....I believe that everything that we experience is relative...and in this environment of relativity one have enough reasons to pity himself and/or commend himself....Whatever I do would be good compared to one thing and worse in comparison to another...The recent couple of days have been very unusual at the office...I have never seen the environment so uncertain...It seems like the Aura has taken a permanent dip... I see no positivity around me... All that I feel is a silence and sense to conceal things that may have some hideous faces...and this concealing dips the Aura further...I think its no use hiding things that are to be revealed sooner than later. It think this is the time where we need each other more than anytime in past or in any near future...The time sure is make or break but the real test lies in standing against whatever comes our way...As Sylvester Stallone said in Rocky VI,"It doesn't matter how hard you hit. What matters is how hard a hit can you take and still move forward" . So I am gearing myself for the hit...It may or may not come my way directly, but a hit is waiting...waiting in the shadows...stealthily..stalking me...everytime...everyday...That is one of the primary reasons that I try to be as cheerful as I can..to conceal the fear....to be there...ready to take the hit.... 'coz.....

I WILL NOT DIE !!!

Point of View

I am not going to say much. I am here to share a comment that I got on my last post. It is quite a long one but that is not the reason that I decided to put it as a post. You look at it and decide whether it should  have been here as a post or I should have left it as a comment. With no editing it goes...

"don't kno abt the person or relation but thing abt relations is if a person is not ready to sacrifice, then it turns out tht person is selfish for himself basically every1 is but to wht extent tht matter... there will b extremely selfish people ,selfless people, deceiving people, intelligent people list goes on and there are so many differences tht even after so much human population no two people are alike... so one has to look for some qualities and have to let go of other as its very difficult to find all the qualities in 1 person... its better if you cud love as many people as you can... respect every1... n should always remember tht all the emotions, relations, love, hate, anger is all there as long as there is life... it all ends once the life ends... one should kno its origin not just the paternal ones, as relation ends ones the body dies, but something lives, even after the body dies and from whtever source that power or soul comes, its final resting place is there, as without the originator of the source tht is God (there is very beautiful line in Guru Granth Sahib " jiyon jal mein aye jal ghatana, teon joyti sang jyot milana" it means they way waves are created from the ocean and they merge back into them in the same way souls or tht living power without form or colour or shape is created and will merge back into its source, tht is the final resting place (God)) everything else is small and not capable of fulfilling the persons needs.... actually people should live the life like(once i heard a beautiful example think might share it with you) this life is like a party the world is like a big home where there are so many guests who are invited specially to enjoy and have a good time without much restrictions where there's hardly anyone to say anything but the situation turns out tht people become/want things only for themselves and become selfish they just want to love some people of their choice and hardly care for others when they could have equally loved everyone and wonder why they arn't happy... they 4get tht everything thts created will end and there's just 1 reality which never changes and was there before creation and created everything, one tht has no end and thts God, without beginning, without ends, beyond all forms all colors, just cud recall some of the qualities mentioned by the Guru and we become so much engrossed in the beauty of the house tht we 4get our origin and purpose... and funny situation is people start thinking its their house their life there party and they have to do everything as much enjoyment or achievement in this life in this party as they can and tend to become selfish or end up hurting others in the process of their happiness... (as they have gone far away from the reality) tht its not possible for them to think beyond it... and farther they go away from the source the more sad and lonely they become... when happiness and fulfillment lyes within themselves, everywhere... the most worldly happiness i hav felt is wen i cud make some1 else happy and the worst feeling is wen because of me some1 else becomes sad or unhappy... or if i do hurt some1... otherwise the feeling which i have wen i hav been lucky enough or the beautiful moments wen i cud feel things without boundations or in tht state you can say spiritual phase is so beautiful tht i don't hav words to describe it... wish tht moment cud stretch for ever i don't feel like asking anything or wanting anything its like all the wishes and dreams has been fulfilled... tht they are very small compared to tht moment... i kno no drug or nothing else is capable of giving me so much happiness or is capable of taking me so high... but unfortunately my situation is like even after knowing things i tend to make mistakes, at times i do act selfish, wht my grandfather use to say "haath deepak kooayn(well) geray" tend to be apt for me... God's goona say dude u knew and still u mess up... so i try not to mess up and normally like and respect everyone and there are hardly any conflicts in my life, i see conflicts in others life and at times it become difficult for me to explain things to others but, this is life the creator, one who has created things is looking after it as well and he surely does a lot better job then i guess i can do so i don't even worry now... just be happy.. the minute you ar ready to scarifice knowing tht all the relations from mother father to friends to lovers to wifes will end with this life anf if u get a rebirth everything will start again new parents new friends new family new wife new commitments... and if even in tht life u live the same way guess tht life is wasted again n i guess (its quite futile to hate or waste the life in these things) unless guess God himself show mercy and wants the other to be pulled out as i have realised tht if i think tht m so capable, i cud pull myself n can kno all things and can get out of it... i cannot... unless rab khud mehar kare... so i can humbly prey tht he/ she might get peace soon and live life happily in God's HUKUM...

so i guess u can live happily love as many people as you can sacrifice as much as you can respect everyone as there's no one above or below you, every 1 is equal... from a kid to an extreme adult... everyone should be respected and least you can do is to accept the God's HUKUM and be happy... at times i feel tht people actually have nothing in their hands, as whtever the God has decided, will happen and only, the one, who is more powerful then God can change n thts not happening... so things ends here on him there's nothing without him.. i guess the poeple he blessed with fighting they fight, the ones he has blessed with loving they love, the ones he has blessed with working they work, the ones he has blessed with sleeping they sleep, the ones he has blessed with his name keep praying and the ones he has blessed with having faith in him have faith in him and the ones he has blessed with not believing does not believe in him God i can keep on writing his qualities feel like they never gonna end and someone like me he has blessed with thinking, thinks... so if you get something from here in normal language good otherwise the best source of knowledge is guru, guess when the time to learn comes people learn... so i want to end everything on him as i cannot think anything without him or beyond him he just in everything i can think about, n i guess m not gonna describe everything thts not possible as well... because his region is limit less, like him... so here i stop...

God bless waheguru...

Desh"

Decisions....

I was watching a movie the other day...One of the characters in the movie said that every decision has a reason. Go, find out the reason behind 'her' decision. That made me think & so I realized that it was so true. People may act as dynamic as they want and talk about deciding in shortest possible time but the truth is that no one decides on anything without any reason attached to it. Now the reason in itself maybe insignificant but since a decision involves two or more choices there is always a decider, a reason to pick one choice over the other; and it may be just pure bias or a choice based on past experiences but the 'Reason' is a sure thing. 

There is a reason to deciding to write about this now even though the Movie in question was watched last weekend & No, its not lack of time. The reason is a conversation I had with someone last night. Let's call him/her X. The conversation started on the usual light note discussing career, office politics and all and ended up on life's bad face. The direct result of our decisions. How does decisions affect our relations. Should we be even analysing and deciding about relations? X was so distressed that it felt like he/she needs someone to be close and let him/her vent out.  And all I could offer was silence.I didn't have answer to even one of the many Why's that conversation descended upon. Why do people have to weigh & analyse relations? Why does it happen only to me? Why does it have to be like the way it is? Why can't we be the way we want to be? and biggest of them all that me made me feel like crying, Why do we have to make decisions for our relations. I guess many of you might have guessed who I was talking to but that is not point, and it is insigificant, especially when the questions were so valid. Now it may sound rhetorical but believe me, it is very disturbing.I wanted to be so with him/her at that time but it all ended up in a silent closing of the call. Couldn't get my mind off it later.

Was my decision about you know what right? Shouldn't I be making choices that I made? Was it wrong to chose one of the two?

Still looking for answers...

Quite upset...Bursting !!!

I am truly upset with whatever happened yesterday at office... Some bloody rumors and I am blamed for it whereas I wasn't even bloody involved in it... I know its too many "bloodys" in a sentence but that is how I feel at this time... Bloody couldn't sleep well due to this F$%(%^ crappy thing going on in office....I think I will...I don't know what will I do... It seems so out of control... I am going to......aaaarrrgggghhhhhh!!! I bloody can't even say what I am thinking right now....

With these kind of people and confronting attitude, now I seriously think that this process is not going anywhere but the dumps....Its the decline of great Core... The best process of all is turning out to be a nightmare... and its all due to some poor vision and extremely short sighted approach... I mean what are people thinking...Seems like its in trend to consider the other party a fool and a complete idiot... Be it internal or external...I am not sure if I want to work here anymore...I am extremely disappointed with the way things turned out to be...Seems like the bubble has finally burst... I don't want to move out.. I like the place the people around me..but it's the atmosphere these days that is getting on my nerves now.... I don't think I would stay if I have the opportunity to move.... God knows what or where I might land up... I think it's time to look for alternatives.... PR here I come....

Shanti Shanti Shanti.....

Dost...Friends..Us...

I have just watched Dil Chahta hai.... I don't know how many times have I watched it....It doesn't make any difference to watchability....great re-playability... There are other movies with greater replay value but this one has got what no other movie has...It's got a different Point of View of friendship..... A highly realistic take on it... There has been other movies based on friendship as well but this one views it on a really different tangent... One specific thing that makes it different from other movies like sholay, dosti & Jaane bhi do yaaro is that it doesn't projects a friendship where a friends are under constant obligation of one another.  It floats on the basic premise of friendship based on understanding and intents...

For example, Aamir khan dunks Saif when he tells his girlfriend that Saif wasn't with him... but Saif doesn't react on it too much....Just a grunt and that's it....Why? Even though that made Saif breakup with his Girl doesn't make him dump Aamir...because he understands that that's how he is... This and other such demos of Mutual understanding is what makes it different from lot off other 'dosti' movies... 

It is not Zen to think that great successful friendship has lasted on the fundamental rule of understanding and giving room to each other.... Thinking about which also takes my thoughts to another dimension...Marriage.... Aren't good successful marriages based on the same fundamental premise... Can a marriage, be it love or arranged, be successful without these two things... Can any relation for that matter.... 

Then there is another essential but highly overlooked ingredient to this...Effort..yep you need to put in effort to conduct any relation.... It could be making an  effort to call by taking time off your "busy" schedule or visiting the people.... and its our own responsibility to make that effort. Its NOT OK to wait for other one to do it... I can't wait for him or her to make this effort... It might never happen...He could be thinking the same.... I can't risk it.. So I do it... People ask me sometime...Why do I have to do it...Why can't they come over.... But I tell them that someone has top make the effort to carry the relation... I chose to say carry the relation because that's How I look at it... I don't say its a burden that we carry, but I just say that we carry it.... 'Coz its our own conscious decision to continue a relation...Even blood relations are not spared of this choice...I have seen people not talking to their own brothers and sisters...This doesn't mean that they did not earlier as well. Somewhere down the line they decided to not to keep any relation with each other.... I have limited myself to a customary acknowledgment with some people who are related to me in some way... just a hello and that's where it all ends... 

I think I am digging too deep into this at the time....We will talk about it some other time... May be next time...:-) I have to make an effort to drag myself to market...I need some essentials...

Go ahead... Make your effort today... Don't under estimate it...Its a great thing to do...
Make some effort...

Assurance...

This is going to be a short post...I don't want to say anything this time... I just want to assure you guyz that its not on mind actively anymore... A lot of water has passed under the bridge... I chose to say 'actively' because I don't think I can just wipe it out but it can definitely be phased out... So coming back to point...

Sharirik kamzori kamzori nahi hundi...Mansik kamzori nahi honi chahidi...

And I am mentally as strong  as I was back in days...Anytime..Anyday...Anywhere....

The topic stands closed.... Peace to all....