None to help

Still where i was last time. Still nobody to guide to light.
As they say

And i quote
" Yeh kaisi hai dosti, ke dost ban baithe hain naaseh,
kaash koi gham gusaar hota, koi chaara-saaz hota"

that roughly means that
"How this friendship turns out that the friends have become preachers
only if they would have been the sharer or healer"

These are the only lines that i feel close to me these days, the lines that i can relate to in addition to darkness around me. Everybody says that i should be somewhere else and i don't belong to my current position. There are so much expectations and you don't know how heavy this load can be. I am my own victim, living in constant fear of not being upto someone's expectations. Too conscious about my image. Trying to be Mr. Good for All. Nobody is trying to have a look from my point.

I feel heartbroken. Ready to burst, cry like a child, put my arms around someone's neck, put my head on someone's shoulder but can't find a good one no matter where i look. Don't feel like returning to home. Nobody's waiting. nobody cares if live hell out of house.. No nothing. I want to be somewhere else. Somewhere i can relate to myself as being ME and not someone's bro or friend or pal or Mr. reliable.

So long.......

Why can't I

Today is 11 april of 2006 and the time is 20:03. I am looking in to myself and wondering what is it all about . Why do some people try to command over some other people? Why do they feel that whatever they do is the only right way. I feel that there are three ways to do a thing. The right way, the wrong way and the way i do it. Even then i i feel lost in here sometimes. everybody is expecting something out of me without caring for my position, my circumstances. One thing that i feel is responsib le for my this situation is my inability to say NO. Others are calling. BYE.

Feeling alone.

I am having this empty feeling today. Feels like there is no one to look upto int his hour of day in this whole wide world. Doen't seemd to know where the life is taking me. Seems like floating with the flow.No aim, no mean, no nothing.What once seemed a bright tomorrow now seems like an empty space. But sometimes it feels like there is light no matter however far it is.

There is nobody to talk. Gotta go now.