Fear or Faith....

It's been a long time since I remembered God; and with this remembrance came the realization that it was due to fear and not faith. Fear and faith are so overlapping that people don't realize if they are being fearful or faithful. Most of the religious activities are performed out of sheer fear of unknown or unspoken. Fear is so dominant that practically no one thinks of deviating a bit even if its logical.
 Age old practices are still being followed without judging their relevance or knowing the reason behind them. Faith should set us to be free of fear and not the other way around. We are controlled by fear and still try to define faith and its results and repercussions. We are highly confused between discipline and faith. Whereas it is okay to be strict in discipline towards the realization; I think it is free will that should decide the form of faith.  Any guesses????

Prince of Persia..

Finished watching Prince of Persia - SOT... With much spent on sets, special FX and action sequences, film fails to deliver with wafer thin plot and abrupt ending. Climax with its blatant hole in continuity and obvious contradiction to stated facts makes you wonder if the makers were taking viewers for granted. Action sequences are quick and makers have made the effort to include all in-game moves except that they are too short to notice for someone who has never played POP 3D or later. Coolest moves like wall run are too brief to notice even for an avid gamer. Action sequences are so scripted and predictable that you wonder if you are watching the persian version of Mortal Kombat. Overall, Disney tried to do in one movie what game makers couldn't do in 8 game versions...complete and finish the story....And Disney failed badly this time....

Religion...Personal or Public

I have been fielding this question for a long time...Had quite an argument with my mom over it. She was angry about me not going to any holy place in general and Gurudwara in particular. She is of the view that I have started to believe in non-existence of God. Quite an oxymoron there, a believer who does not believe. 
 I think I am on verge of some spiritual breakthrough. Not the 'Nirvana' kind but still quite pressing. Right now I grade myself as an agnostic, a spiritual agnostic, with a bias towards existence of God. I believe that its better not to go to a holy place than to go and be distracted. It is of no use to stand in the queue and look for some chicks and not concentrate on what we came there for. It should be a highly intimate experience than just being present at the right place at the right time. After all it is for our own benefit that we need religion and go to religious places. So is it good enough to just be there. 


What I don't understand how my being a non-believer effects others. I know they are my family and dear ones but isn't religion immensely personal matter. I believe that religion is so personal that it should be okay to have people with multiple religions in the same family. Why is it such an issue to be convert from a religion to another. Talking about Sikhism, weren't the first Sikhs the converts. Why did some people chose to convert to Sikhism and some didn't. If Sikhism was the only true religion then everyone should have converted. It apparently did not happen. The reason I think is that our Gurus did not believe so too. They never proclaimed that following them was the only route to Nirvana. It was, however, one of the ways. Gurus did not go to Gurudwaras in search of Nirvana. Gurudwaras were erected because Gurus were there. Shrines and holy places are just placeholders to remind us that people have raised their spiritual level to such heights that they are treated as equivalent to God. As they say in Punjabi, "asi ishara karan wale dee ungli vekh rahe haan na kee ishare vall" 

Personal...or Professional

I have been thinking for a long time to write about what is going in on my mind. I, however, chose to divert it to other interests; for example, Movies, Novels and even Pornography. I guess the reason for it was the complexity of the feelings that I wanted to get out. Maybe they were too complex to form the words for. Yet, I am trying to do so now.

I think it matters not how I feel about certain things going around me. What matters is that how it all sums up and ends like. I am not trying to force my point of view of view on others but I want them to look at things from a different angle. Everyone of them. People have formed perceptions and the worse thing is that they are not willing to talk about it. I have learned from my experiences that keeping things to yourself doesn't help anybody; and I mean anybody.

I have people say that sex is the basic instinct of every species. I believe differently. I think that primary basic instinct for any specie is THE SURVIVAL; and this is what pains me most. We are letting the instinct to fore go for in lieu of our personal differences. I guess what I am trying to say is that it does not take anyone anywhere alone. Like I always say, its never about place, its never about time, its always about people. I am confused by all that is happening around me. I am confused as I don't know whether to be angry, pick fight with someone or let the things roll on their own. It seems like destiny is playing its hand and I. for the most part, can't do anything about it.

HOPING FOR THE BEST; PREPARING FOR THE WORST.

Missing Someone - By Deshveer

1)
wen ur lone, wanting some1 2 b back

wen u love some1, u won't b able 2 move out of the trap,

with everything u will want tht some1 to b around

so u can share n make her smile but all u hav is urself, memories, n long miles

wishing 4 impossible, 4 tht miracle 2 happen wishing is there some1
who can help,

with people walking n smiling u 2 try 2 smile n c whether tht makes u happy ,

but wen u look at urslef, its nothing, just u n ur thoughts wishing
to hear her talk,

n u find new voices talking n smiling n u wonder how many of them r
actually happy,

n does tht even make ne difference, if u can smile wen ur up against the tide .

u can move on with all the things u feel but tht loneliness still
lingers there trying 2 shake u n make u feel down...


not all who luv r blind, some of us r just 2 kind, n 4giv 2 much n
never speak our mind, n at times get 2 hear u hav wasted 2 much of ur
money n time

its no use to sit n waste the time, shud just move on n never allow
memories 2 let u down,

its all part of plan and matter of time, who gets whom n whose going
u don't mind,

then y 2 sulk n think of giving up this precious life of thine, wen
all u hav to do is look up n c smiling faces those look so fine,

every1z troubled within, n hardly few happy, no matter wht u do
therez something lacking cause wht u don't c is wht u hav within is
precious dime,

every1 says grass on other side looks green thts because wht u hav
looses its sheen,

y o fool to pride in whts not urs n then cry wen thts gone, wen
everything in life sayz nothingz permanent so just move on.

everything in lifez just a matter of time, few hours, dayz, few years
of mine, i shud enjoy all b4 time runs out n everythings left behind

wht difference does it make whether u like, 1, none or thousands of
fine felines, wen all u'll get is few moments of pleasure n then
lonely life of mine, wen all i need waz just one n 1 wud hav been
equally fine,


but still the fight with loneless is all mine no matter whom m with
somewhere heart will still b crying

want for more will still be there no matter how high or far i shine,

unless somehow ur back n everything's fine.


2)

memories of sweetness



u think the life's lone,

as the thing tht u want is gone,

the softness kiled n anger born,

whom 2 blame urself or person u adorned,

all u ever wanted waz, 2 build something out of love for her n
sweetness inborn,

but wht 2 do wen u c tht the luvs no more,

n even the wish of carrying the memories of sweetness becomes a dream forgone.



wht 2 do wen ur imagination's all weired,

as being with the person u like is the thing tht u now fear,

something close 2 heart becomes a distant gear,

things u said, felt n believed once, becomes unreal,

whts the past 2 me, m much stronger better here,

the easy way 2 4get some1 is to get a new dear,

but there r some to whome wht they say n do is very real,

very few hav understanding n stick 2 it as its not easy to steer,

i still wish 2 carry our memories of sweetness

u must b thinking...

even now u wish to carry memories of sweetness ?

Lord, i hope hez not crazy, u help him m out of here.

Desh



3)
Missing


the lines that I write, hope they help end a fight.

when its dark, v pray to God 2 throw some light,

n wonder, hez got all the might, but then y is he out of sight,

I wish he cud catch a flight, n take me out of my plight,

cause I m missing sum1.




I think then he came with an open heart n said, buddy y don't u write.

I gave u brains & a wonderful profile,

so wht if its dark n u hav long lonely miles,

every1's closet hav some bad files,

even the 1's who think, they r the best, cries,

believe me, I hav heard them say,

I m missing sum1.




then i asked, well i hope , she smiles,

but y my files, full of sadness pile?

n i got a big smile, while i wonder y,

he answered sweetly, c she 2 had smiled,

n i wonder, m i still missing sum1... ?

well..., now at least..., not 2night :)


Desh

4)
Gudbies


where shud i find the words, tht will have the might,

the might, to break the chains, that hold u tight,

who knows, whts going 2 become of this life,

therez so much peace n happiness inside,

but we tend 2 believe otherwise,

4 so long gud lord gave me respite,

but then as if stuck by a light,

i fell for thing know as luv life,

(Despite the fact tht,) though she said, Desh expectations will rise,

She waz scared of it, like a patient 4m a contagious parasite,

I thought i'll giv her the life,

so tht she cud find the stability, peace & happiness inside,

but then as if sum1 had turn off the lights,

things went off, n i didn't wonder y,

and true 2 my self i didn't expect her 2 call, mail or write,

but still my heart cried, n reasons were not french fries,

n not as people say, whtever she said were all lies,

But, cause of all the heart felt gudbies.


Desh


5)

Happiness





If in ur head,lies a quest,

2 find the best, n u can't giv it a rest,

B my guest, don't b scared its not a test,

Spend sum time with me,n u might understand the rest,

Tht happiness lies within.



Life's like, people's faith ,on earth's crust,

tht it wudn't blow n reduce them 2 dust.

But v live, v build, still v trust,

Though v die, v break still there's mistrust,

But don't worry my friend, happiness lies within.



So wht, if 1 day, they like u, n the next they dislike u,n r ready 2 fight u,

It can feel like dog u like, is abt 2 bite u.

It might even fright u?

Well the truth might surprise u,

It happened cause u looked 4 happiness outside u,

But don't worry my friend, happiness is not with person who likes & dislikes u.

The happiness lies within.

Shakespearean question..To..or not to...

My parents have taken it as a personal battle to marry me. I, however, don't think that I am ready for it yet. My thoughts wander to the age old question, answer to which, is the very basic of human nature and foundation of the modern society. Why should I marry or Must I marry? I will try and steer my thoughts to some reasons or justifications of this institution.

It may sound cliche, but human is a social animal. The differentiation is however purely theoretical. We are in constant need of companionship and want someone who can take off load from us. This 'load' can be emotional, physical or sexual. I think that the need of having a dedicated listener is big relief for everyone and also the reason for most of the arguments in a relation. On the contrary if everyone is a good listener then who will be a good speaker. Anyways; Coming back to the point, It sometimes get very difficult to contain the emotions within ourselves and we look for someone with whom we can share all that we want and still be as sure as we never talked about it to anyone.

Another reason that I think is foundational to the concept is that we constantly seek to evaluate ourself. Being married, attaches a tag to you and establishes that you are not worthless and there will always be someone to whom you are in(valuable). I also believe that this is one of the implied facts of being in love. People tend to things for people they love; that they normally would try to avoid. That is why people feel dejected after breakups and go to extremities like committing suicide. The feeling of being worthy for someone to command a dedicated life is pretty overwhelming I think.

Sexuality is another reason given by some to marry. Well, it gives you a supposedly dedicated partner for sex and you are allowed to use the right freely to your will. However, I think it is more of a civil and social matter. To give you a point of view on my thoughts, I don't understand the difference between consented sex and rape; as far as performing sex goes. Sex is OK for two people as long as they have consented to it but is considered rape if one of them disagrees. This seems like more of a social issue and matter of mentality or point of view. What if we consider sex as only what it is. Sex. Coming back to the point, I don't feel that Sex is the reason for which people marry. I ,however, definitely agree that reproduction is a reason for people getting married. Now, Sex and reproduction are overlapping functions and can never be mutually exclusive or independent. It is implied that reproductions in inherently dependent on Sex. This, however, is again a matter of how you look at it.

I would love to have your thoughts on it. How much do you agree or disagree with me. You think that there is something that is the reason for marriage? Go ahead add to post.

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock.....

Hard hand of realty has struck again and I have lost another relation. I choose to say a 'relation' instead of 'relative' the person in question was a singular relation; unlike uncles and aunts and brothers and sisters. This is the third time in last two months that I have been forced to realize that everyone has a limited time on this plain. Clock is ticking for everyone.
This also makes me feel more inclined to meet people because you never when is your last time of meeting. You can never be sure of what is, let alone what will be. It seems like Dementors are doing there job well, sucking all the hope and energy out of people.

Lets make sure that we meet people because you never know....

Pent up thoughts - Part II

Given the condition that I am writing after a long pause, I guess continuing the thought chain would be a futile exercise. It would however be similar to earlier post because not many things have changed although a lot of water has passed under the bridge. Many of you might think that I am off to my same old ranting but that is the whole idea behind this blog; to let the thoughts flow out and leave me stress free which in itself is great job.

There has been a lot of challenges at work lately. The numbers are not as what we require. It seems like that all of the efforts are going down the drain and this whole thing would soon burst. However, another brighter point of view is that; whatever may be the case; it will end soon. And when it ends, it will be all a wonderful walk thereon. Another angle of looking at things is that this is a loop and it will only end once we stop pursuing to finish it, because a circle has no starting or ending point.

On personal front, I am on the verge of biggest evolutionary breakthrough of MY life; to marry or not to marry is the question. I have been under immense pressure to marry sooner than later. I, on other hand, am not sure about how to proceed with it. Somehow I don't feel like getting married at all. My past has little to do with it but it is the current environment that is giving me second thoughts. In effect, I am afraid to marry. Second reason that I am afraid to marry is that I am not sure if I am settled or not. Response to question; whether it is Yes or No; will be same, what ,when and how. May be this feeling will improve when things will start looking bright at work. I may sound a bit skeptical but the truth is that things are not rosy enough to contemplate a bright future at the moment. It is getting tougher everyday.
but the bottom line is
WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, TOUGH GETS GOING...
HAMARI HEE MUTTHI MEIN AAKAASH SAARA, JAB BHI KHULEGI CHAMKEGA TAARA

Pent up thoughts - Part I

I don't think it needs to be told that it has been a long time since my last post. There were two major reasons behind it. One was that the thoughts that I wanted to pen down might have offended someone and I didn't want it to happen at that time. Second, anything that I might have written may have been interpreted as 'whining'. For all who think that all I do here is 'whine' here; I am afraid they will have to be disappointed for some time becuase venting was the primary reason for my starting to write in the first place. About the first reason for my absence, I guess that moment has passed and I can safely write down my thoughts.

I have realized a lot of things in the past. First and foremost is that no matter how good your advice is, its of no use unless the beneficiary realises so. You can advice him/her for all you want but if it falls on deaf ears, all your smartness is in vain. Second, wherever you go there is always a Johhanna Jameson(Editor of Daily bugle in Spiderman series.) who understands a point of view only if he can translate every 'WE' to 'I'. Third, as said by one of our rivals long back, Two minds may think alike but three minds can never do it. Fourth, deciding is tough process and it takes a lot of communication and discussion to reach at a common consensus even if everyone has the same goal in mind. Primary reason for which is the different paths decided by everyone.

To be Continued....

Filling the Gap

Just two days and we have a gap...Whatever happened to daily blogging...Anyway...It has been a busy productive day...I attended a session for home intrusion and access control systems, something that I wanted to get on to for quite sometime. t is the next thing that I want to add to our portfolio of products and services. Now it is just a matter of time and some tinkering with equipment. I think we can do something in this direction. In any case, it is a whole Line Of Business in its own.

Another thing that I thought over today was to streamline some internal processes. The one I need to urgently correct is the one that I started onto initially. For some reasons it was sidelined for some time. However, I think that before I move on to correct something else I need to enforce self-discipline as well. I felt that I have been very slack on many matters for quite some time now. Well, all is not lost yet. This can be corrected in short time if I impose self discipline.I have already some short-terms for myself to begin with. Lets see where we reach with it. I will be out of town for around three days starting Sunday, so I may not be able to post daily; but I will try and write something daily that I may post later. Bye for now...
God help all...

Dated 4 December, 2009

Fighting Impulse...

The day hasn't been as hectic or busy as I thought it would be. Most of it was practically wasted doing nothing, except maybe thinking about settling some chores. I think that is maybe becuase of the envirnoment I am currently in. Most of it however was my own will and accord.It seems like I have stopped approaching things as I once did. In retrospection, I miss being a quality analyst. Now, this is purely genric terms and in nomeans my days at IBM. This is more about the learning and style of work that I adopted. That was the major part of my thoughts today in the "wasted time".

The very thought that I am 'almost there' in everything that I do hit me like a rock. I somehow am missing the bulls eye. Now, it may be just a rough patch I may be doing something wrong. Maybe this is how it works. I don't know. I don't think that I can talk about it. Strangely I, who usually have something to talk about anything, don't have exact words to describe the feeling. It feels like I am losing my grip on things around me. I know what you are thinking Anshu but this is not frustration or aggravation or anything like that. Its just the feeling which I don't have a word for. In my language, Saala kuch khaas samajh nahi aa reha. Maybe I should act upon your advice. Let the flowing waters flow and keep on doing what I can. This however puts me in a different position. My nature won't let me watch everything from the sidewalk. Somehting inside will always push me to be in there and try and do what I can. I guess I will let time decide what should be the case. Maybe the recent incidents at the workplace would change some things around me. It may be also be just an impulsive action.

This turns my thoughts to another nuisance that I have to deal a lot with. Impulse. It is so strongly inherent in the system that it is almost impossible to fight with. Major reason that you can't oppose an impulsive action is that both legitimate effort and impulsive action start at the same note. They differ at how they end. A legitimate change or action would sustain whereas an impulse would soon fizz out. Anyways, I will keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.

Dated: 2nd December, 2009

Daily Dose...

I have decided to write a post a day from today onwards... I guess if I can sustain it for a week, it will continue for longer; Of course, a week in itself is long time. Due to increased frequency of posts and personal nature, most of the content with pretty regular stuff, since this blog is primarily for venting out and sharing my mind with anyone who cares to go through it. I reckon that most of the times it would be more or less of a daily journal.

Moving on, Cheenu wrote a very strong, and a very valued for that matter, reply to my earlier post(read it in comments). I think most of the times what you really want is for someone to listen and respond. No worldly words or pearls of words, but only to tell you that he is there. lately, I was thinking about our(me and Cheenu) discussions with kikki deedi. With her back in India on a vacation, the thoughts have started to flash increasingly. I was imagining a conversation with her where she might ask me why I didn't meet more often like old days. Only fitting reply I could think was that we had Cheenu back then so it was easy to meet up since there were three of us. Chances of anyone feeling lazy was 33% which has now increased to 50% since there is only me and Nicky here.

For the more regular part, the day was quite a bit for me. For once, I know what future holds. Tomorrow is going to be very hectic. Mind it that I said 'hectic' and not busy. I have more than a couple of engagements and it is going to be a difficult to balance all the balls, especially with Manish involved in one. I don't think it was much of a day other than planning and setting up things for tomorrow. In any case, its too late to continue writing but I think I will be back. So long...

Dated 1st December, 2009

Khyaal...

Aam naalo hatt ke eh post mai punjabi ch likhan dee soch reha haaN..issdi vajah koi bahuti political ya religious nahi...gall sirf ikk rau dee hai..ikk flow dee hai... mere khyal naal je koi kuch express karna chaahanda hai te ohde layee sab toh wadiya zariya ohdi roz dee bolchaal dee language hee ho sakdi hai...hun eh koi single language vee ho sakdi hai aur 3-4 languages dee composition vee; jiveN ke mai use kar reha..Punjabi, English te Urdu...

khair mudde dee gall eh ke picchle kujh dinaa toN mai kaafi busy reha haan...par eh busy koi iss tarah da busy jiven mai hona pasand karda haaN...mere khyal naal apni picchlee kise blog post vich maiN iss baare zikr kar chukkeya haaN...I don't recall exactly but it was about being busy and being under hectic schedule...mai eh bilkul nahi keh reha ke mainu iss busy-ness ne pareshaan keeta ja mainu waste jehi feeling aayee, but kite na kite eh feeling zaroor see, and for that matter hale vee hai, ke inni saari mehnat da result oh nahi nikalna jo socheya see...kyonki picchle chaar mahineya ch mai eh zaroor dekhya ke intentions da sab diyaaN OK ne aur sab kuch karna vee chaahNde ne..but implementation vele kuch na kuch game gol ho jaaNdi hai....oh sab gallaaN jo planning stage vich honiyaa chahidiyaa see oh implementation de vele nikladiyaaN ne...

ho sakda eh sab ikk shikayat ya cribbing lag reha hove par haqeeqat ehi hai ke planning aur implementation de vich da gap cover nahi ho paa reha...galti shayad meri vee hai ke mai plan nahi kar paa reha,par at the back of my mind issue ehi haike somewhere deep down I know ke it will all be manipulated at the end...Well in any case, I will do what I have to do, no matter what the results are...

te eh kuch lines mere khyal da nateeja e...eh kuch disconnected thoughts ne and may not mean anything to you...read at your own risk. :-D
So long...God help all!!!

kujh yaar mere pehlaN, te kujh nave bane;
eh khade rehan, main naal inna de jitt laiNda sansaar je chaahNda...

ikk mai, te ikk mai hee haaN mer kol hune;
kee kar laiNda mai karna tainu pyar je chaahNda...

dil vick kasak jehi hurdum ikk utthdi e;
kar laiNda koshish karni mai ikk vaar je chaahNda....

mudhna wapis shayad mumkin reha nahi;
mudhna mai ikk vaar te kee lakh vaar je chaahNda...

ikk tere baajh eh jagg hanera lagda e;
rabb kar diNda rushnai oh ikk vaar je chaahNda...

par, rabb nu vee kee dosh davaa iss baare hun;
rabb sadd laiNda ke saddna mai ikk vaar je chaahNda...

Test Entry

Using Ubuntu Blogging front-end for API

It doesn't matter anymore !!!

I have been losing my temper quite a bit these days... and it had made things turn to worse sometimes. I think I don't see the things as positive as I used to. It could also be a reason that there is not enough positive aura around me. People still think that it wasn't a right move to come back, and it is pressed against me time and again. I guess that the feeling was of being not wanted is the reason for short temperament. I think it all boils down to how you feel from within. If you feel that you are unwanted then YOU start thinking that why the hell should you care, and it shouldn't matter to people what you do if they don't want you here or are not exactly fine with it. Living with a condition is inherently different than accepting and embracing it.

At times I look back and try to decide whether it was correct to do what I did and decisions I took. Decision to move on with her, decision to leave all of it and come back or leave all this in the first place. Only answer that I get is that whatever I did was right in that context, but the real question is that was it worth it? Only reasonable outcome of it all is that it doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't matter anymore if I loved someone, it doesn't matter anymore if I stayed back, it doesn't even matter anymore if I come back tonight or not. I guess only thing that matter is NOW. With all this arrogance and short temperament within, I don't know what is it going to be.

Yeh kya jagah hai dosto, yeh kaun sa dyar hain...

had – e – nigaah tak jahaaN, gubaar hee gubaar hai...

There is just news..Not Good or Bad

Evidently the times are bad. All I end up writing here is about deaths and bad things. Another one hit me last week. The count was to be two almost. I won't write about who were the people and what happened to them because it won't matter & to people whom it matters know it already.

    I have been pushing this post for so long now. and for the sole reason that I didn't have anything to add to it except obituaries and condolences. It had made me feel that there is nothing good around. I don't think I have heard any good news in quite some time now.

Ofcourse as an alternate theory, There is just news. Its not good or bad. All this has made me think about many things in tandem and look at things in a different perspective. I think with the passing of time all things are in there for a reason. Also, these events have strengthen my belief that everything that happens to us is a result of what we have done. Now it may sound a bit Zen or theological, but if you think upon it you may find me correct. I believe that this is how Karma behaves. Concept of Paap-punya is directly related to the luck or Naseeb as you may call it. In short, everything that you do or not do, comes back to you, Good or Bad. As an example, and pretty harsh one, WE did not care about the security of our office last year and it resulted in a burglary, which in turn upset many things. I guess my point here is that we should not only be seeing what we ARE doing but also what we are NOT doing. While doing ensures that you are moving forward, NOT doing would make things go even worse.

Coming back to more sane world, I think we are not doing too good professionally. I don't see how we are going to be businessmen. I am trying to change the mindset from self-employed to businessman but I think there is a gap. Either one of us, me or them, is assuming something. This assumption is I think the gap. Maybe its just the acquaintance that we have. Hmm.. Yes this could be the reason. Now it makes me think that since we all are so connected personally, we assume that the other one understands our Point of View. Now this is progress. I think I have found a gap while writing this, and this may help us look at the things from a new angle. Load off my chest.

Signing off...

Condolences

With a heavy heart, I write about untimely demise of another sister in such a short time। Ironically, her demise is connected to the birth of new being. Presh has lost her sister to a medical complication during final stages of pregnancy. No words can fill the void that she has left. May Lord give her rest and peace in His Holy Abode . May God also give strength to all the people connected to her to bear the loss.

Responses...

I went through Sachin’s blog sometime ago. He has expressed about the loss of one of his friends at workplace. It was a due to some layoffs by company but which was apparently not publicized. I guess it was the surprise element that provoked Sachin’s thoughts in the direction which translated to words on his blog. All, who want to go through what he wrote, can visit http://sachin-sud.blogspot.com for a scoop.

Those words pretty much reflected my thoughts. Thoughts, that occurred to me when I left Jalandhar around 3 years ago. It is indeed sad to know and go through a phase where you have to do away with people to whom you are so well connected. This connection can be physical, emotional or spiritual. This connection can still be strong enough even if you haven’t met the person, as in Sachin and his friend’s case. My question here is that do we actually need a connection to sustain a relation. What if that connection is severed? Can we not find another connection to sustain the relation? I guess the answer lies in the fact that if it was a relation to begin with? Or was it just a connection? If it was a connection, then I am afraid that it was bound to be broken; and if it was a relation then only thing that can kill it is lack of effort from either side to retain it. I have talked many times about the necessity and importance of effort in a relation. In any case, Sachin is not finished with his thoughts on it, so I may be commenting too early on it.

Coming back to me, it is now around two months after my return to Jalandhar. I think it has been a pretty fine period. I agree that it hasn’t been as great as I thought, but hey, it was never supposed to be a cakewalk. I guess breaking old traditions and systems is easier said than done. I feel that the most difficult part is to eliminate the micro management culture that is prevalent here. I want to setup a fine system where responsibilities can be delegated and taken care of. Not that responsibilities are not delegated now, but the level of micro management practically renders the practice useless. I guess it is no use handing something to someone and then keep on nagging every two minutes. It is like undermining his/her capability and making him/her feel their incompetence. Anyways, I know that it is a tough job but I also know that it will be done. Sooner than later.

Lord bless all.

Collecting thoughts

"Its been a long time since I have added anything here...A lot of water has passed under the bridge since my last post...Although it was more of retaliation than reflection of thoughts...."

This is how I started this post almost a week ago... Full of thoughts, rage and disappointment. There have been some intricate things going on that kept me busy throughout....Reflecting on which I think they were more trivial in nature than intricate...

Coming to recent things, I celebrated my birthday this week... It has been a great event, thanks to some great people... Had it not been a combined effort by all, it would have been a different night altogether... Everyone put their best to enjoy themselves... Manish with his knack to arrange for things at the last moment, Presh with his handling, Terry with his usual jovial self, Chabbra ji for uncut humor and Jagpal, Anshu, Vivek & Bhalla with their ability to enjoy without reservations; made it a grand success... You can visit http://picasaweb.google.com/harjotsandhu/BirthdayBash to see what it was like...

It was a real effort by my IBM folks. It was almost an insurmountable task to come to Jalandhar and get back to Delhi in span of 24 hours...

TO ALL, WHO REMEMBERED THE OCCASION, YOU MEAN A LOT...AND TO THOSE WHO FORGOT, I STILL LOVE YOU....

Hmmmmmm

I came in here to write something after completing one month off IBM. I had some disconnected and distinct thoughts that I wanted to share here... However, all that has taken a backseat now as I just went through a comment on my last post... It struck me like a sledge hammer and I had all the right and means to moderate the comment and not publish it. I however chose not to do so and let the spirit of free speech stay alive. This, it seems is not a mutual thought among many. As clearly intended from the said comment, our chosen way was off track to get our voices heard or opinion counted. The comment also sounded like placing me in the center of all that happened. My take on it is, that if I had an influence over others to do this to our leader, which clearly wasn't the case; then he deserved this. There is no point of it all if we can't take a feedback professionally, and I deny to clarify myself to anyone who thinks that it should have been taken personally and rated as such.

I guess there were enough efforts from the side to generate a dialogue which almost EVERYTIME ended up as an arguement and not discussion. I also see the root of the problem as people, who for all these years have denied to question the authority. I distinctly remember Ritesh telling me to introspect for EVERYTHING that I talked to him about. I guess he didn't introspect enough to foresee it. I would again point out that if I can influence people against a leader, then I think he is not the leader for them...

I guess this rage will not let me write about anything else at this time... So long. Lord help all...