Two Fates - Story of My Divorce - Stretched humor

I liked Two states by Chetan Bhagat (referred to as CB hereafter ) and it was only natural that I read this book too after I chanced upon it. I was browsing through an online book store and was intrigued by the synopsis. Pre-ordered the book right away and I am not regretting it.

Two Fates continues two years after CB's book. Since it is supposedly a continuation to CB'ss book Author takes liberty and assumes that readers have gone through it and hence does little on character development. Narrative is good and keeps you engaged until you reach at midpoint. First 100 pages of 199 page long story keeps you glued and interested. Somewhere after the half-way mark wit, sarcasm and the detailed narrative starts to get on your nerves. At two-third mark one actually starts counting pages till end. Narrative, naturally, is influenced by involvement of a one too many characters. Some characters are redundant and could have been done without. You might relate to some characters personally and a couple to your relatives. Like they say everyone has a duplicate.

Witty sarcasm is all abound the story and is plenty.  Central characters keep throwing regional sarcastic remarks throughout the story. Apparently, Judy Balan, the author has done good research on intricacies of two cultures, namely Punjabi and Tamilian and uses it to highlight witty, sarcastic remarks by Hero and Heroin.

It is Judy Balan's first book and she can be excused for a little faltering in narrative and continuity. The book ,overall, is above average and much better than many corporate executive turned writer's pathetic excuse of a novel.

If you appreciate dark humor and sarcasm, then you should definitely read this book.

God Save the Dork - Dorky corporate humor

Having not read the Original "Dork", I hadn't the slightest idea of what to expect. Except some reviews that were all gaga for first book and good enough for second book, I was totally uninitiated.

The story continues in the same universe where the last book ended. There are abundant references to the first book in the current story, which kind of irritates and takes your mind off the current topic at hand. One keeps wondering what the mentioned 'incidents' were and how it affected The Dork. Naturally, story revolves around the hero, Robin 'Einstein' Varghese; who is working on client side at their London office and trying to improve the organization qualitatively. While doing so he has to attend to his personal agendas as well, that include but are not limited to, an irritatingly nagging girlfriend and a crush on a colleague. Considering the fact that the project is not going very well, it seems out of place.

First half of the book is pretty good and is very humorous. it has some very funny situations and at times there is a feeling of deja-vu. Story stretches a bit towards the end and one can't help but longing for it to end. After a while it feels like an endless narrative of a smart-ass, jargon spitting, corporate worker. Just like a Bollywood movie,the detail is lost towards end and a wrap up is performed. As a result somethings are left on reader's discretion. For people, who don't know about short selling or equity markets, the end might not make sense as they won't know what happened actually and how an investment in company that eventually goes bankrupt can yield millions.

Verdict: Good read if you have time to finish it in one sitting. Four reading hours should be enough. Some good punches that will actually make you laugh. A tale only a Dork would cherish.

Secret of Nagas - Multiverse continues

After reading book one of Shiva trilogy, The Immortals of Meluha, I was very excited to dive into the second part. Since I had ordered the set of two, there was almost zero wait time before jumping into it.

The book continues the promising story and narrative into the better part of novel. Author has successfully compiled the mythological events into an action/adventure storyline. At times it gets so realistic and logical that one starts feeling that all the stories he has heard till now were senseless.

Introduction of new characters is seamless and author has done a commendable job. Introduction of elephant headed Ganesha and deformed Naga queen is handled exceptionally well. Novel carries on smoothly till the middle and then suddenly the narrative hits a low point. Shiva's involvement with Vasudevas & his fixation with Brihspati irritates at times. Shiva seems very attached to Brihaspati and further devastated by his death. The development of any such close relationship was neither displayed nor developed during the course of two books. Hence, at times reader fails to relate to Shiva's anger towards suspected murderers and his anger towards Naga clan.

Another annoying part of this section of the story is that there is not a single major character except Parvateshawar(who by now also believes in prophecy), who sees Shiva as who he really is, that is a Mortal like everyone. I simply can't accept the fact there is absolutely zero resistance to Neelkanth.

Last chapter in book one was titled "Question of Questions" and book two it "Secret of All Secrets". I guess the final chapter in Book three would be "Answer of All Answers".:-D

Verdict: Although the Magical multiverse continues, not as entertaining and gripping as Book one. A surprising twist awaits you in the last chapter that will keep you wondering about the motives of many characters and waiting for third book. Anyways, you have to read through it to get to the other end of the story where the book three awaits.

Immortals of Meluha - Mythological Multiverse Begins

It was a chance that I stumbled upon the blurb of Immortals of Meluha.  The moment I read about the plot I was hooked and wanted some of it. The plot promised so much there was much anticipation. So I ordered the both the available books of The Shiva Trilogy, and am I glad that I did.

The basic plot of story, Shiva being an ordinary man who has been visioned as the ultimate savior, 'The Neelkanth', holds immense potential for narrative, character building and story telling. Author Amish Tripathi has done a very good job at spinning a gripping narrative. He takes time to develop characters, sub-plots & storyline. At no point do you feel that it is being stretched for sake of it.

The novel is well written and is pretty detailed without being overtly sketchy. In the beginning of the novel, you can actually feel the coldness of the Mansarovar lake and chilliness of wind at Kailash. Finer nuisances of characters like Shiva's indulgence with weed, Nandi's build and his servility or Bhadra's friendly loyalty towards Shiva, are very well woven into the narrative. Since the plot is based on the basic premise that our mythology is truth disfigured by time, the narrative  is well connected and explains a lot of things in a new light. Author with his immaculate style makes you believe in the narrative and somewhere down the line the difference between the set mythology and this Multiverse begins to dissolve.

All characters, like Sati & Brihaspati, are introduced in due time and are very well placed. Character development is handled very efficiently throughout the novel. All the characters sketches are kept close to their original stereotype but with a logical deduction and sound reasoning.

Immortals of Meluha is Mythology married to Matrix. If there really are Multiverse, then it can be no different than what Amish has written. A must read for fresh perspective on Hindu Mythology.

Ikk yaad...

jad vee asmaan nu takkda haaN, marjaani chete aaNdi hai,
jo kattheya ralke likhde see, kahani chete aaNdi hai.

jad bull nahi kujh kehNde see, jad akkhaan gallaaN kardiyaaN sann,
oh akkhaaN akkhaaN dee uljhi, ikk taani chete aaNdi hai.

je pyar nahi te hor kee see, eh samajh nahi maiN paaNda haaN,
ikk labbh ke cheez anmol jehi, guani chete aaNdi hai.

khamoshi ohdi nazar di oh, meri dil nu kujh kujh dassdi see,
ikk mukhda dekhan layi ohda, kol bithani chete aaNdi hai.

hun door hai oh par door nahi, mere dil de nedhe hai kidhre,
singh sherry dil de raaj dee hun, oh raani chete aaNdi hai.

jad vee asmaan nu takkda haaN, marjaani chete aaNdi hai,
jo kattheya ralke likhde see, kahani chete aaNdi hai.

mai vee viah karwawanga.

ikk din aisa vee ayega, ke mai vee viah karwawanga,
oh meri jaan nu royegi mai ohde sirr nu khawaanga,
ikk din aisa vee ayega, ke mai vee viah karwawanga.

asi roz karaange pyar dee gall, te aqsar jhagde howange,
kade dekh ke kake hassange, kade ladhde dekh ke rowange,
ladnha vee pyar nishani hai, eh gall mai beh samjhawanga,
ikk din aisa vee ayega, ke mai vee viah karwawanga.

jad saun mahina ayega, te dil vich kuch kuch hoyega,
jad baith ke har ikk chadda kuwara, apni qismat nu royega,
oh naal mere ral baithegi, mai baith pakode khawaanga,
ikk din aisa vee ayega, ke mai vee viah karwawanga.

kade kise gall te jado, oh mere naal na bolegi,
mere lakkh booha khadkaan te vee, oh kundi na kholegi,
ohdi hovegi lakkh galti, mai fir vee hatth jod manaavanga,
ikk din aisa vee ayega, ke mai vee viah karwawanga.
kahe singh Sherry , ke mai ve viah karwawanga.

maiN punjabi haan

maiN punjabi haaN,
kite majhail, kite malwai, kite duabi haaN,
maiN punjabi haaN.

kite singh haaN, kite kaur haaN,
kite gabru dee mucch dee anakh, kite mutiyar dee tohar haaN,
kite rangla doriya te kite pagg gulabi haan,
maiN punjabi haaN.

jahaan de har kone vich mai jaake laaya dera hai,
mai iss jahaan da, te eh jahaan mera hai,
har taale nu kholan wali chaabi haaN,
maiN punjabi haaN.

kite vaili te kite yaara da yaar haaN,
yaari dushmani har paase ladhan layee tyar haaN,
har ikk "jee" te "oye" dee gall jawabi haaN,
maiN punjabi haaN.

kite hatth jod ke keeti benti, kite gale utte talwar haaN,
kite veerji bhainji da pyar, te kite yuddh dee lalkaar haan,
iss bhaaNt bhaaNt dee phulwari vich, khidya phull gulabi haan,
maiN punjabi haaN.

kite majhail, kite malwai, kite duabi haaN,
kahe singh Sherry, mai punjabi haaN.

Ikk awaaz mohabbat dee

ikk awwaz mohabbat dee, mainu aje vee chete aandi hai.

ikk naam jo hun lai sakda nahi, ikk gall jo hun keh sakda nahi,
mainu saun na dinde raataan nu, baahon fadd jagaandi hai,
ikk awwaz mohabbat dee, mainu aje vee chete aandi hai.

je mai ohde bin rehnda nahi, kee oh mere bin rehndi e,
kee oh vee vaang mere kalle vich ro ke chitt parchaoundi e,
ikk awaaz mohabbat dee, mainu aje vee chete aandi e.

mai kalleya rehna sikkh leya, eh ainna vee koi aukha nahi,
jiddan langhda hai din kidhre, eh raat vee unjh langh jaandi e,
ikk awwaz mohabbat dee, mainu aje vee chete aandi e.

har roz nava din chadhda hai, har raat haneri roz navi,
na din sona, na shaam moti, te naa hee raat dee chandi e,
ikk awwaz mohabbat dee, mainu aje vee chete aandi e.

je zindagi naam hanere da, te maut ve koi chaanan nahi,
hai pata Sherry nu koi nahi, duniya mar ke kitthe jaandi e,
ikk awwaz mohabbat dee, mainu aje vee chete aandi e.

Revolution 2020 - Another Chetan Bhagat great or Bollywood Fiasco

I have just finished reading it and I must say that I am not impressed. I had pre-ordered the book online and forgot about it, so there was no anticipation involved when I started reading the book.

  Story starts similarly to "Three mistakes of my life" with CB ending up in a hospital with the hero named, not surprisingly, Gopal. Story starts in similar fashion with Gopal narrating the story and CB ending it up in a book to be shared with his readers. Disappointingly enough, CB misses on the fact that his fans expect a certain level of quality from his books. CB's stories end up as movies but this one seems like it is inspired by some SRK movie. With clichéd scenes like Gopal pissing off heroine, Aarti, by using two prostitutes and his change of heart on watching a poor dying kid who haunts him in the dreams, this book is pretty disappointing for CB fans.


The story is not original and refreshing as Five points someone(FPS), not  captivating & gripping as Three Mistakes of My Life(TMML) and definitely not interesting as Two States(TS). Skip it if you can.

Fun fact: You may not have noticed but names of all the Heroes of CB's stories are spinoffs of Lord Krishna's Name, starting with Hari, Shyam, Govind, Krish and now Gopal. This is my original deduction and is published here for the first time.

Maa... Extension to Munawwar Rana's original two lines

Kise de hisse ghar aaya te kise de hisse dukaan aayi,
mai ghar vich sab toN chota haan, mere hisse vich maa aayi.

veer ne hunde baahaan te baabal mauj baharaaN e,
iss sabh toN waddh ke dekhaaN te, mere hisse vich chaaN aayi,
mai ghar vich sab toN chota haaN, mere hisse vich maa aayi.

mai gussa bahut hee karda haaN, har ikk naal ladhda rehNda haaN,
kuch keete honge chaNgge kamm, mere hisse vich taaN aayi,
mai ghar vich sab toN chota haaN, mere hisse vich maa aayi.


ikk din sabhne turr jaana hai, sadaa nahi reh jaana hai,
par hun te mere kol hee hai, eh dekh ke jaaN vich jaaN aayi,
mai ghar vich sabh toN chota haan, mere hisse vich maa aayi.

jad maa nahi honi mere kol, maise kise de hatth vall vekhaaNga,
kee ghar vich koi puchega, ya kahega roti kha aayiN,
mai ghar vich sab toN chota haan, mere hisse vich maa aayi

Fear...Friend, Foe or a Nagging Companion

This is the second time that I am talking about fear in here, though it is different than first time. Earlier it was fear of unknown supreme power that forced people to religion and spirituality. This time it is about fear of something much more materialistic. They say that fear is the your best friend and biggest enemy; as it stops you from achieving what you deserve and also gives you unsaid once you face it.

     Particularly, I am more focused on the fear that constantly nags you through. Its like you know that a clock is ticking somewhere and every time you hear a bang you are afraid that it might be the bomb. You meet people and are instantly concerned if anything has gone wrong. I come back and first thing I check if everything is as calm as it seems. I am afraid. Very very afraid. They say that a wife is your best friend despite her constant and continuous nagging. Is it same with the fear? I say so because in most cases the fear remains with you in all times like a good wife. It constantly is there. Ticking, nagging, pushing you; but never really leaving you

I am told to not worry about such issues but is it really possible to ignore what you see and hear. Also, as rightly said in "Anatomy of a Murder"; "How can Jury ignore what it has already heard? It Cannot. It cannot."

Harmony: easy to pronounce, difficult to achieve

Its all around. I see everyone trying to balance their life and many trying desperately. I also see that people have trouble doing so and also that they have best ideas on how to do it when it comes to advising others. Harmony is no easy task whether its in instruments or in life albeit more difficult in latter.
 Its like trying to tune a bass guitar to the tune of flute; and that too on a higher note.  I find it difficult to accommodate  and not to mention irritating, that people mostly chose to ignore the logic behind certain things or they simply lack the plain tolerance. That includes me too, however I believe I do it lesser than most others I know. Th biggest problem is that people chose to ignore things that shouldn't be ignored and stick to the ones that ought to be ignored. Why is it almost an impossibility with some to let go of the situation. I know, by personal experience, that it is not possible to forget what has happened but at-least one should have the sense to move on and not hold a grudge.
 As rightly said by S H Bihari and beautifully sung Mahendra Kapoor
                                          " लाखोँ हैं यहाँ दिलवाले और प्यार नहीं मिलता 
                                               आंखो में किसी की वफ़ा का इकरार नहीं मिलता "

The Illusionists

Well, this is not about the movie but the people out there. Actually its about people in here. I am fed of the people with their masks on and projecting themselves as someone else. Isn't it ironical that how people with masks fail to project and people who can project don't have good enough masks. Why is it that certain people fear nothing when they step on others? Somehow they feel no remorse, no guilt about it. Its as if they take some pride in doing so.
   I know everyone has a right and way of life and are free to lead their lives the way they want to; but isn't it outright human to care and consider for others. Is it there upbringing or social circle that molds their thoughts the way they are or is it certain circumstances that force them to do so? I know some of you would tell me to outright ignore these people but believe I would have if I could. The problem is that one can not ignore what has transpired and is inscribed in the memory forever. There is no reset in life.

कसमें वादे प्यार वफ़ा सब, बातें हैं बातों का क्या; 

कोई किसी का नहीं ये झूठे नाते हैं नातों का क्या..

Is it all???

I sometime wonder at my persistence at advising to all and mostly failing to act upon them myself. I hear myself telling others about their behavior and telling them what to do and blatantly ignoring the same when it comes to me. I lose temper quickly and end up doing that I expect of others to not do.
 I believe that this is not anger but angst. I guess part of it is the insecurity that stares me in the face about my future; and present. I am afraid that it might be too late for anything actually good to happen to me or my life. I see so much and I hear so much that I wish that I was never here. I want to get out and shut myself out of it.

ए मेरे दिल कहीं और चल, ग़म की दुनिया से दिल भर गया, ढूंढ ले अब कोई घर नया....

An Obituary

With heavy hands and a heavier heart, I offer my deepest condolences to Nikhil on his loss. No words or actions can fill the void that has been created in his life with departure of his dad to his final resting place. May his soul rest in peace and may God give Nikhil and his family the strength and will to bear the loss and look forward. We stand by him in his hour of need.

ॐ शान्ति शान्ति...

Prejudice... Unlimited !!!

I have always believed that people respond more to prejudice, less to logic and even lesser to context. People listen to a word or sentence and form a view about it and don't even take time to let the context sink in. Comment on my last post had me believe even more firmly about it. It seems like everyone thought that I am whining or lamenting or crying over what has been. I am many things but I am definitely not a cry baby. Context of the post was not to be sorry about the past. I very firmly believe that there is nothing, and I mean nothing, that can not be talked about. If I have something on my mind, I don't mind (pun unintended) talking about it.
                                             Its not just about people connected to this blog that I am talking about. I know a lot many people who won't even let you complete before passing on their judgement; and I sometime wonder that if they have listened to anyone at all in all their life. I see people who cling to smallest mistake of someone else but very conveniently cover up their own. I don't say that they are not right at times, but to think that they are the only ones right is the height of prejudice. Of course it is prejudice to think that other one is wrong without attaching any logic or context to the whole episode. Back in days, I was repeatedly  told to look at the big picture. Who does it now?

Covering the Gap !!!

Its been a long time and it is not unlike me to be not write for such a long time. There has been a lot happening in past days and I wanted to write about it too. I, however, decided to do other things; like watching movies or reading literature, to take my mind off the incidents instead of writing about them. Maybe I was too affected by them at those times, and I decided not to write fearing a biased outflow of emotions; which I consciously try to avoid. My idea of blogging on the go using my phone also couldn't materialize due to the fact that my phone is too small and screen to hard to type anything. I will try to address all I wanted to write in the past month, which for obvious reasons will be quite a mess as thoughts will not be streamlined.
                                      First things first, we have shutdown one of our business locations. It has been a long due decision. I don't believe that it was very well timed but it was to be done sooner or later. So I guess, sooner the better. Most of my time, and for that matter frustration, in the last week was due to the moving out operation. Theoretically it was supposed to be a cakewalk, due to be completed in first week of the month; which like any other project turned out to be quite different than planned. I guess it was my fault to assume that everything would go as planned without any interference, direct or indirect. I forgot that some people tend to dabble till the very end and then pull back, just like that.                               

  As I said earlier, my thoughts are not in sync at the moment. I guess, I will have to write daily to get my point across. It however may prove difficult than I think as proven by my earlier attempts at daily blogging. Lets see...

New medium

Just got my new Android based Dell XCD28 phone. Look forward to more updates on the go.

Love or Romance... Possibilities between sexes

You might have heard it a number of times from different people, "A girl and a boy can never be friends. Love always blooms" (ek ladka aur ladki kabhi dost nahi ho sakte. Pyar beech mein aa jaata hai.) And this is said to emphasize the romantic connection. I differ on this on the grounds that I think love are two different emotions. 

Romance is based on love but Love may not end up in a romantic angle. If I agree to the said notion than it would mean that I don't love my male friends; because as a corollary that would mean that since its a male-male friendship there is no chance of love blooming. Some of my friends suggest that its different because there is no sexual connection in this case whereas there will always be one male-female friendship. I agree to it to some point BUT the point in discussion is whether love is same as romance in a boy-girl friendship. 

I agree that there will always be love but I also stress that it will be there regardless of friend's gender. If I be friends with a girl for as long as I am with Nikhil, Cheenu, Jassi or Prabh I would love her the same as I love these guys. Wouldn't I ? Does it mean that since Nnc, Plv or Mns are girls, I don't love them. I believe that love is strong emotion and is to be held and understood very diligently and carefully. Love, like any other explosive material should be handled with care. 

There will always be a possibility of developing a romantic angle anyways. What I am trying to decipher is that will it be a determining factor? By definition, I should be romantically involved with many of  the girls I know because I am a good friend. Shouldn't I?

Content Versus Form... any takers ???

I had this thought in mind for quite sometime, but I wanted to discuss it with someone before writing about it. I am glad I delayed writing about it because I had another connecting thought that was on same lines yet on a different tangent.

   I am wondering if we are more concerned about 'Form' than 'Content'. In context to Sikhism, the original thought, it feels like that the leadership and the following by extension, are more concerned about the Form. Why else would otherwise there be a debate about supremacy of Dasam Granth over Adi Granth and/or vice-versa. Isn't it a direct contradiction to one of the basic principles of the rulebook, Non-Idolism. Shouldn't we be more concerned about the Bani collected in the books rather than which Book to consider as Guru. Moreover, what use it to have a Guru if we are not going to follow the Content. This way it doesn't come close to a decent reference book.    

   I will share another tangent to drive my point and keep it secular. We used to recite a pledge in our school. I choose to say recite because that is how it was.  It had a line that went like ,"and all Indians are my brothers and sisters.". ALL of the boys in senior classes used ti skip repeating this line after the primary orator(Yours truly), for the reason obvious enough. No one, however, realized that it did not mean what it said. It was not to be taken literally but in fact was a metaphor. It referred towards the understanding and feeling of mutual harmony and unity among fellow citizens. To consider all others as brothers and sisters was to promote better treatment of others as you would with your own people. 

What do you say Deshveer???

Things to do before I DIE !!!

Its just a start. This list is bound to grow...

1) Eat a snake (cooked, of course)
2) Drive a Boxster
3) Sip a glass of Strawberry wine
4) Climb a mountain
5) Ride a Sailboat
6) Go for hiking in likings of Amazons
7) Public performance on stage
8) Guest lecture at an institution - DONE Feb 3, 2011 (Thanks to Nikhil)
9) Travel in a commercial Truck (wanted to since my early days, Thanks Anshu for reminding)
10) Travel to Hemkunt Sahib
11) Learn a foreign language other than English - Work in progress (French, Self learning)
12) Learn to play a Musical Instrument
13) Promote hockey.(Any way)
14) Attend a live concert. - Done Oct 5, 2013 (Jashn-e-Ghulam Ali)

Trust & Trustworthiness - Is there a frame of context ???

I believe that doing by choice is greater than doing by force and that makes us chose our friends over our family. Among other things that form a friendship is the trust that we put into the relation. What I am thinking is that how much trust can you put into something. It is of course we, who decide to trust; but is there any limit or 'box' in which the boundaries of trust can be observed. Is there a limit to trust that can be put into something or someone? Do we show varying level of trust for the same person or thing at different times? This of course is true at different levels of relations or usage, but what I am trying to decipher is that if it is true for a constant level of relationship. For example, does a Husband show varying level of trust in his wife after, say 25 years of married life? 

  

     I guess the point of discussion is that if trust like everything else has a context too. That would, however, mean that I would trust or not trust someone depending upon the current circumstances and not based on my own judgement or conscience. And when that happens, do relations sustain or do they just snap off? Now some of us may confuse it with level of confidence that you might show in someone but there is difference so subtle that many people just don't differentiate between two. For example, If someone asks me to lend my car to him, I may not have confidence in him as a driver but I may trust him that he would tell me the right thing about his driving skills. So you see what I am trying to reach at. Any calls?

A week in my life - Day 2

0140 Hrs - Watching the climax of A fistful of Dollars. Sergio improved a lot when it comes to next two films he made after this one. Not too very gripping story. It couldn't keep me concentrated like the other two. For the record, other two I am talking about are 1) For a few Dollars more and 2) The good, The Bad & The Ugly.

1100 Hrs - With help of circumstantial evidence, I feel the day isn't going to be as bad as I speculated. Had a hearty breakfast and am off to work.

1300 Hrs - I couldn't have been more wrong. Its a typical Monday. People are clamoring like anything and most of it is due to non satisfaction arising from bad commitments. I guess it is the underlying assumption that makes us do it. We assume We should be more careful when it comes to committing

2330 Hrs - Time sure has flown. It has been a quick long day, if you know what I mean. The day was so bad that I didn't get time to write anything. There wasn't anything to report anyways. Just what I expected; frustrated customers, missed deadlines, bad commitments and to top it all, The ignorance. Whoever said ignorance is bliss has surely one of these days. Reading Garfield year 1983; my birth year.
Will sleep soon.

A week in my life - Day 1

1030 Hrs - Woke up to the first day of the week, after a long night of watching movies and comedy circus over YouTube. Since Manish is out of town, I need to get to office. No off in sight for this week. Its going to be a long day.

1355 Hrs - Sitting in lab. Hopefully I will be able to get out by 1700 Hrs and have some time to myself this evening. Played ,and won, a hand of Solitaire with real cards. It really is more fun to play it with real cards.


1400 Hrs - Frustration has just begun for the day. With people busy in their own little world, chaos is inevitable. One person is busy in impressing a girl and others are busy nit-picking on him. I like it.


1620 Hrs - There are some things that make me feel bad about tomorrow. I have a strong feeling that tomorrow will be a long day as I see a couple of items brewing to become conflicts and a heated exchange of words. Unfortunately I don't have control over it as its already beyond point of control due to indescribable reasons. What to say??? What to do??? 


1830 Hrs - Standing at a roadside eatery (literally) wolfing down mutton chops with white bread. Doesn't look very hygienic; but what is little hygiene when it comes to eating.


2200 Hrs -  Started watching movies that I intended to watch during the day. I got Sin city and  A fistful of Dollars lined up. No dinner for me after the celebrated eat-out.


2359 Hrs - Still watching movies. Took a pause to watch the last over of Mumbai Indians Vs Bangalore RC match. MI won by two runs.

Gen X or Gen C - Are we really confused...

With whatever happened to me or my friends over past few days, I am forced to think that we are a generation of confused lot. If you think that calling the whole generation confused is a bit too much, believe me there are more like me out there than you can imagine. 


  No one seems to know what he or she wants. What everyone knows is that he wants something else. No idea what that is, but still; something else. Something big. And this includes me too. I don't say it is wrong to move on to or dream about bigger things; but the problem here is we don't know what we want to move on to. Is it big money, or is it better position, or is it better personal life or is it better spiritual life. We want big money but we also think that money is not required for satisfied being. We think that only we are responsible for what we get, yet we have other reasons for anything wrong happened to us. We believe that we have control over our destiny and we can change it but still want to be spiritually liberated and close to God. We want to be close to someone forever and still think that marriage is non-essential. We want everything and yet yearn to be so disconnected and free. We have this craving of being approachable to everyone at all times and still crack at the availability of connecting technology. 


I guess you get my point. All that I say applies to me as well and I go through all these things as well. What do you say??? I will be waiting......

Temperament

I was talking to someone today about his temperament and how it, seemingly, has changed over the past.

I asked him if it is his changed temper or has he just being to the point like I am. And at that very moment I realized that my way, of being to the point, must be perceived by some to be rude or at least in anger.

 

In this medium of online written communication, like FB, Orkut or EMails, how are we supposed to determine what the other one is trying to say, contextually. I mean, the words may be the same but how you say it make THE DIFFERENCE. For an example, telling someone to Shut-up may be taken as rude whereas it could have been written pretty amicably. How on earth can you decipher the tone of a written sentence? In a language where you can't decide what a word, like run, means unless read in full context, how are we supposed to capture the emotions of short comments. My request, please don't write short sentences or you risk being misunderstood.

Fear or Faith....

It's been a long time since I remembered God; and with this remembrance came the realization that it was due to fear and not faith. Fear and faith are so overlapping that people don't realize if they are being fearful or faithful. Most of the religious activities are performed out of sheer fear of unknown or unspoken. Fear is so dominant that practically no one thinks of deviating a bit even if its logical.
 Age old practices are still being followed without judging their relevance or knowing the reason behind them. Faith should set us to be free of fear and not the other way around. We are controlled by fear and still try to define faith and its results and repercussions. We are highly confused between discipline and faith. Whereas it is okay to be strict in discipline towards the realization; I think it is free will that should decide the form of faith.  Any guesses????

Prince of Persia..

Finished watching Prince of Persia - SOT... With much spent on sets, special FX and action sequences, film fails to deliver with wafer thin plot and abrupt ending. Climax with its blatant hole in continuity and obvious contradiction to stated facts makes you wonder if the makers were taking viewers for granted. Action sequences are quick and makers have made the effort to include all in-game moves except that they are too short to notice for someone who has never played POP 3D or later. Coolest moves like wall run are too brief to notice even for an avid gamer. Action sequences are so scripted and predictable that you wonder if you are watching the persian version of Mortal Kombat. Overall, Disney tried to do in one movie what game makers couldn't do in 8 game versions...complete and finish the story....And Disney failed badly this time....

Religion...Personal or Public

I have been fielding this question for a long time...Had quite an argument with my mom over it. She was angry about me not going to any holy place in general and Gurudwara in particular. She is of the view that I have started to believe in non-existence of God. Quite an oxymoron there, a believer who does not believe. 
 I think I am on verge of some spiritual breakthrough. Not the 'Nirvana' kind but still quite pressing. Right now I grade myself as an agnostic, a spiritual agnostic, with a bias towards existence of God. I believe that its better not to go to a holy place than to go and be distracted. It is of no use to stand in the queue and look for some chicks and not concentrate on what we came there for. It should be a highly intimate experience than just being present at the right place at the right time. After all it is for our own benefit that we need religion and go to religious places. So is it good enough to just be there. 


What I don't understand how my being a non-believer effects others. I know they are my family and dear ones but isn't religion immensely personal matter. I believe that religion is so personal that it should be okay to have people with multiple religions in the same family. Why is it such an issue to be convert from a religion to another. Talking about Sikhism, weren't the first Sikhs the converts. Why did some people chose to convert to Sikhism and some didn't. If Sikhism was the only true religion then everyone should have converted. It apparently did not happen. The reason I think is that our Gurus did not believe so too. They never proclaimed that following them was the only route to Nirvana. It was, however, one of the ways. Gurus did not go to Gurudwaras in search of Nirvana. Gurudwaras were erected because Gurus were there. Shrines and holy places are just placeholders to remind us that people have raised their spiritual level to such heights that they are treated as equivalent to God. As they say in Punjabi, "asi ishara karan wale dee ungli vekh rahe haan na kee ishare vall" 

Personal...or Professional

I have been thinking for a long time to write about what is going in on my mind. I, however, chose to divert it to other interests; for example, Movies, Novels and even Pornography. I guess the reason for it was the complexity of the feelings that I wanted to get out. Maybe they were too complex to form the words for. Yet, I am trying to do so now.

I think it matters not how I feel about certain things going around me. What matters is that how it all sums up and ends like. I am not trying to force my point of view of view on others but I want them to look at things from a different angle. Everyone of them. People have formed perceptions and the worse thing is that they are not willing to talk about it. I have learned from my experiences that keeping things to yourself doesn't help anybody; and I mean anybody.

I have people say that sex is the basic instinct of every species. I believe differently. I think that primary basic instinct for any specie is THE SURVIVAL; and this is what pains me most. We are letting the instinct to fore go for in lieu of our personal differences. I guess what I am trying to say is that it does not take anyone anywhere alone. Like I always say, its never about place, its never about time, its always about people. I am confused by all that is happening around me. I am confused as I don't know whether to be angry, pick fight with someone or let the things roll on their own. It seems like destiny is playing its hand and I. for the most part, can't do anything about it.

HOPING FOR THE BEST; PREPARING FOR THE WORST.

Missing Someone - By Deshveer

1)
wen ur lone, wanting some1 2 b back

wen u love some1, u won't b able 2 move out of the trap,

with everything u will want tht some1 to b around

so u can share n make her smile but all u hav is urself, memories, n long miles

wishing 4 impossible, 4 tht miracle 2 happen wishing is there some1
who can help,

with people walking n smiling u 2 try 2 smile n c whether tht makes u happy ,

but wen u look at urslef, its nothing, just u n ur thoughts wishing
to hear her talk,

n u find new voices talking n smiling n u wonder how many of them r
actually happy,

n does tht even make ne difference, if u can smile wen ur up against the tide .

u can move on with all the things u feel but tht loneliness still
lingers there trying 2 shake u n make u feel down...


not all who luv r blind, some of us r just 2 kind, n 4giv 2 much n
never speak our mind, n at times get 2 hear u hav wasted 2 much of ur
money n time

its no use to sit n waste the time, shud just move on n never allow
memories 2 let u down,

its all part of plan and matter of time, who gets whom n whose going
u don't mind,

then y 2 sulk n think of giving up this precious life of thine, wen
all u hav to do is look up n c smiling faces those look so fine,

every1z troubled within, n hardly few happy, no matter wht u do
therez something lacking cause wht u don't c is wht u hav within is
precious dime,

every1 says grass on other side looks green thts because wht u hav
looses its sheen,

y o fool to pride in whts not urs n then cry wen thts gone, wen
everything in life sayz nothingz permanent so just move on.

everything in lifez just a matter of time, few hours, dayz, few years
of mine, i shud enjoy all b4 time runs out n everythings left behind

wht difference does it make whether u like, 1, none or thousands of
fine felines, wen all u'll get is few moments of pleasure n then
lonely life of mine, wen all i need waz just one n 1 wud hav been
equally fine,


but still the fight with loneless is all mine no matter whom m with
somewhere heart will still b crying

want for more will still be there no matter how high or far i shine,

unless somehow ur back n everything's fine.


2)

memories of sweetness



u think the life's lone,

as the thing tht u want is gone,

the softness kiled n anger born,

whom 2 blame urself or person u adorned,

all u ever wanted waz, 2 build something out of love for her n
sweetness inborn,

but wht 2 do wen u c tht the luvs no more,

n even the wish of carrying the memories of sweetness becomes a dream forgone.



wht 2 do wen ur imagination's all weired,

as being with the person u like is the thing tht u now fear,

something close 2 heart becomes a distant gear,

things u said, felt n believed once, becomes unreal,

whts the past 2 me, m much stronger better here,

the easy way 2 4get some1 is to get a new dear,

but there r some to whome wht they say n do is very real,

very few hav understanding n stick 2 it as its not easy to steer,

i still wish 2 carry our memories of sweetness

u must b thinking...

even now u wish to carry memories of sweetness ?

Lord, i hope hez not crazy, u help him m out of here.

Desh



3)
Missing


the lines that I write, hope they help end a fight.

when its dark, v pray to God 2 throw some light,

n wonder, hez got all the might, but then y is he out of sight,

I wish he cud catch a flight, n take me out of my plight,

cause I m missing sum1.




I think then he came with an open heart n said, buddy y don't u write.

I gave u brains & a wonderful profile,

so wht if its dark n u hav long lonely miles,

every1's closet hav some bad files,

even the 1's who think, they r the best, cries,

believe me, I hav heard them say,

I m missing sum1.




then i asked, well i hope , she smiles,

but y my files, full of sadness pile?

n i got a big smile, while i wonder y,

he answered sweetly, c she 2 had smiled,

n i wonder, m i still missing sum1... ?

well..., now at least..., not 2night :)


Desh

4)
Gudbies


where shud i find the words, tht will have the might,

the might, to break the chains, that hold u tight,

who knows, whts going 2 become of this life,

therez so much peace n happiness inside,

but we tend 2 believe otherwise,

4 so long gud lord gave me respite,

but then as if stuck by a light,

i fell for thing know as luv life,

(Despite the fact tht,) though she said, Desh expectations will rise,

She waz scared of it, like a patient 4m a contagious parasite,

I thought i'll giv her the life,

so tht she cud find the stability, peace & happiness inside,

but then as if sum1 had turn off the lights,

things went off, n i didn't wonder y,

and true 2 my self i didn't expect her 2 call, mail or write,

but still my heart cried, n reasons were not french fries,

n not as people say, whtever she said were all lies,

But, cause of all the heart felt gudbies.


Desh


5)

Happiness





If in ur head,lies a quest,

2 find the best, n u can't giv it a rest,

B my guest, don't b scared its not a test,

Spend sum time with me,n u might understand the rest,

Tht happiness lies within.



Life's like, people's faith ,on earth's crust,

tht it wudn't blow n reduce them 2 dust.

But v live, v build, still v trust,

Though v die, v break still there's mistrust,

But don't worry my friend, happiness lies within.



So wht, if 1 day, they like u, n the next they dislike u,n r ready 2 fight u,

It can feel like dog u like, is abt 2 bite u.

It might even fright u?

Well the truth might surprise u,

It happened cause u looked 4 happiness outside u,

But don't worry my friend, happiness is not with person who likes & dislikes u.

The happiness lies within.

Shakespearean question..To..or not to...

My parents have taken it as a personal battle to marry me. I, however, don't think that I am ready for it yet. My thoughts wander to the age old question, answer to which, is the very basic of human nature and foundation of the modern society. Why should I marry or Must I marry? I will try and steer my thoughts to some reasons or justifications of this institution.

It may sound cliche, but human is a social animal. The differentiation is however purely theoretical. We are in constant need of companionship and want someone who can take off load from us. This 'load' can be emotional, physical or sexual. I think that the need of having a dedicated listener is big relief for everyone and also the reason for most of the arguments in a relation. On the contrary if everyone is a good listener then who will be a good speaker. Anyways; Coming back to the point, It sometimes get very difficult to contain the emotions within ourselves and we look for someone with whom we can share all that we want and still be as sure as we never talked about it to anyone.

Another reason that I think is foundational to the concept is that we constantly seek to evaluate ourself. Being married, attaches a tag to you and establishes that you are not worthless and there will always be someone to whom you are in(valuable). I also believe that this is one of the implied facts of being in love. People tend to things for people they love; that they normally would try to avoid. That is why people feel dejected after breakups and go to extremities like committing suicide. The feeling of being worthy for someone to command a dedicated life is pretty overwhelming I think.

Sexuality is another reason given by some to marry. Well, it gives you a supposedly dedicated partner for sex and you are allowed to use the right freely to your will. However, I think it is more of a civil and social matter. To give you a point of view on my thoughts, I don't understand the difference between consented sex and rape; as far as performing sex goes. Sex is OK for two people as long as they have consented to it but is considered rape if one of them disagrees. This seems like more of a social issue and matter of mentality or point of view. What if we consider sex as only what it is. Sex. Coming back to the point, I don't feel that Sex is the reason for which people marry. I ,however, definitely agree that reproduction is a reason for people getting married. Now, Sex and reproduction are overlapping functions and can never be mutually exclusive or independent. It is implied that reproductions in inherently dependent on Sex. This, however, is again a matter of how you look at it.

I would love to have your thoughts on it. How much do you agree or disagree with me. You think that there is something that is the reason for marriage? Go ahead add to post.

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock.....

Hard hand of realty has struck again and I have lost another relation. I choose to say a 'relation' instead of 'relative' the person in question was a singular relation; unlike uncles and aunts and brothers and sisters. This is the third time in last two months that I have been forced to realize that everyone has a limited time on this plain. Clock is ticking for everyone.
This also makes me feel more inclined to meet people because you never when is your last time of meeting. You can never be sure of what is, let alone what will be. It seems like Dementors are doing there job well, sucking all the hope and energy out of people.

Lets make sure that we meet people because you never know....

Pent up thoughts - Part II

Given the condition that I am writing after a long pause, I guess continuing the thought chain would be a futile exercise. It would however be similar to earlier post because not many things have changed although a lot of water has passed under the bridge. Many of you might think that I am off to my same old ranting but that is the whole idea behind this blog; to let the thoughts flow out and leave me stress free which in itself is great job.

There has been a lot of challenges at work lately. The numbers are not as what we require. It seems like that all of the efforts are going down the drain and this whole thing would soon burst. However, another brighter point of view is that; whatever may be the case; it will end soon. And when it ends, it will be all a wonderful walk thereon. Another angle of looking at things is that this is a loop and it will only end once we stop pursuing to finish it, because a circle has no starting or ending point.

On personal front, I am on the verge of biggest evolutionary breakthrough of MY life; to marry or not to marry is the question. I have been under immense pressure to marry sooner than later. I, on other hand, am not sure about how to proceed with it. Somehow I don't feel like getting married at all. My past has little to do with it but it is the current environment that is giving me second thoughts. In effect, I am afraid to marry. Second reason that I am afraid to marry is that I am not sure if I am settled or not. Response to question; whether it is Yes or No; will be same, what ,when and how. May be this feeling will improve when things will start looking bright at work. I may sound a bit skeptical but the truth is that things are not rosy enough to contemplate a bright future at the moment. It is getting tougher everyday.
but the bottom line is
WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, TOUGH GETS GOING...
HAMARI HEE MUTTHI MEIN AAKAASH SAARA, JAB BHI KHULEGI CHAMKEGA TAARA

Pent up thoughts - Part I

I don't think it needs to be told that it has been a long time since my last post. There were two major reasons behind it. One was that the thoughts that I wanted to pen down might have offended someone and I didn't want it to happen at that time. Second, anything that I might have written may have been interpreted as 'whining'. For all who think that all I do here is 'whine' here; I am afraid they will have to be disappointed for some time becuase venting was the primary reason for my starting to write in the first place. About the first reason for my absence, I guess that moment has passed and I can safely write down my thoughts.

I have realized a lot of things in the past. First and foremost is that no matter how good your advice is, its of no use unless the beneficiary realises so. You can advice him/her for all you want but if it falls on deaf ears, all your smartness is in vain. Second, wherever you go there is always a Johhanna Jameson(Editor of Daily bugle in Spiderman series.) who understands a point of view only if he can translate every 'WE' to 'I'. Third, as said by one of our rivals long back, Two minds may think alike but three minds can never do it. Fourth, deciding is tough process and it takes a lot of communication and discussion to reach at a common consensus even if everyone has the same goal in mind. Primary reason for which is the different paths decided by everyone.

To be Continued....

Filling the Gap

Just two days and we have a gap...Whatever happened to daily blogging...Anyway...It has been a busy productive day...I attended a session for home intrusion and access control systems, something that I wanted to get on to for quite sometime. t is the next thing that I want to add to our portfolio of products and services. Now it is just a matter of time and some tinkering with equipment. I think we can do something in this direction. In any case, it is a whole Line Of Business in its own.

Another thing that I thought over today was to streamline some internal processes. The one I need to urgently correct is the one that I started onto initially. For some reasons it was sidelined for some time. However, I think that before I move on to correct something else I need to enforce self-discipline as well. I felt that I have been very slack on many matters for quite some time now. Well, all is not lost yet. This can be corrected in short time if I impose self discipline.I have already some short-terms for myself to begin with. Lets see where we reach with it. I will be out of town for around three days starting Sunday, so I may not be able to post daily; but I will try and write something daily that I may post later. Bye for now...
God help all...

Dated 4 December, 2009

Fighting Impulse...

The day hasn't been as hectic or busy as I thought it would be. Most of it was practically wasted doing nothing, except maybe thinking about settling some chores. I think that is maybe becuase of the envirnoment I am currently in. Most of it however was my own will and accord.It seems like I have stopped approaching things as I once did. In retrospection, I miss being a quality analyst. Now, this is purely genric terms and in nomeans my days at IBM. This is more about the learning and style of work that I adopted. That was the major part of my thoughts today in the "wasted time".

The very thought that I am 'almost there' in everything that I do hit me like a rock. I somehow am missing the bulls eye. Now, it may be just a rough patch I may be doing something wrong. Maybe this is how it works. I don't know. I don't think that I can talk about it. Strangely I, who usually have something to talk about anything, don't have exact words to describe the feeling. It feels like I am losing my grip on things around me. I know what you are thinking Anshu but this is not frustration or aggravation or anything like that. Its just the feeling which I don't have a word for. In my language, Saala kuch khaas samajh nahi aa reha. Maybe I should act upon your advice. Let the flowing waters flow and keep on doing what I can. This however puts me in a different position. My nature won't let me watch everything from the sidewalk. Somehting inside will always push me to be in there and try and do what I can. I guess I will let time decide what should be the case. Maybe the recent incidents at the workplace would change some things around me. It may be also be just an impulsive action.

This turns my thoughts to another nuisance that I have to deal a lot with. Impulse. It is so strongly inherent in the system that it is almost impossible to fight with. Major reason that you can't oppose an impulsive action is that both legitimate effort and impulsive action start at the same note. They differ at how they end. A legitimate change or action would sustain whereas an impulse would soon fizz out. Anyways, I will keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.

Dated: 2nd December, 2009

Daily Dose...

I have decided to write a post a day from today onwards... I guess if I can sustain it for a week, it will continue for longer; Of course, a week in itself is long time. Due to increased frequency of posts and personal nature, most of the content with pretty regular stuff, since this blog is primarily for venting out and sharing my mind with anyone who cares to go through it. I reckon that most of the times it would be more or less of a daily journal.

Moving on, Cheenu wrote a very strong, and a very valued for that matter, reply to my earlier post(read it in comments). I think most of the times what you really want is for someone to listen and respond. No worldly words or pearls of words, but only to tell you that he is there. lately, I was thinking about our(me and Cheenu) discussions with kikki deedi. With her back in India on a vacation, the thoughts have started to flash increasingly. I was imagining a conversation with her where she might ask me why I didn't meet more often like old days. Only fitting reply I could think was that we had Cheenu back then so it was easy to meet up since there were three of us. Chances of anyone feeling lazy was 33% which has now increased to 50% since there is only me and Nicky here.

For the more regular part, the day was quite a bit for me. For once, I know what future holds. Tomorrow is going to be very hectic. Mind it that I said 'hectic' and not busy. I have more than a couple of engagements and it is going to be a difficult to balance all the balls, especially with Manish involved in one. I don't think it was much of a day other than planning and setting up things for tomorrow. In any case, its too late to continue writing but I think I will be back. So long...

Dated 1st December, 2009

Khyaal...

Aam naalo hatt ke eh post mai punjabi ch likhan dee soch reha haaN..issdi vajah koi bahuti political ya religious nahi...gall sirf ikk rau dee hai..ikk flow dee hai... mere khyal naal je koi kuch express karna chaahanda hai te ohde layee sab toh wadiya zariya ohdi roz dee bolchaal dee language hee ho sakdi hai...hun eh koi single language vee ho sakdi hai aur 3-4 languages dee composition vee; jiveN ke mai use kar reha..Punjabi, English te Urdu...

khair mudde dee gall eh ke picchle kujh dinaa toN mai kaafi busy reha haan...par eh busy koi iss tarah da busy jiven mai hona pasand karda haaN...mere khyal naal apni picchlee kise blog post vich maiN iss baare zikr kar chukkeya haaN...I don't recall exactly but it was about being busy and being under hectic schedule...mai eh bilkul nahi keh reha ke mainu iss busy-ness ne pareshaan keeta ja mainu waste jehi feeling aayee, but kite na kite eh feeling zaroor see, and for that matter hale vee hai, ke inni saari mehnat da result oh nahi nikalna jo socheya see...kyonki picchle chaar mahineya ch mai eh zaroor dekhya ke intentions da sab diyaaN OK ne aur sab kuch karna vee chaahNde ne..but implementation vele kuch na kuch game gol ho jaaNdi hai....oh sab gallaaN jo planning stage vich honiyaa chahidiyaa see oh implementation de vele nikladiyaaN ne...

ho sakda eh sab ikk shikayat ya cribbing lag reha hove par haqeeqat ehi hai ke planning aur implementation de vich da gap cover nahi ho paa reha...galti shayad meri vee hai ke mai plan nahi kar paa reha,par at the back of my mind issue ehi haike somewhere deep down I know ke it will all be manipulated at the end...Well in any case, I will do what I have to do, no matter what the results are...

te eh kuch lines mere khyal da nateeja e...eh kuch disconnected thoughts ne and may not mean anything to you...read at your own risk. :-D
So long...God help all!!!

kujh yaar mere pehlaN, te kujh nave bane;
eh khade rehan, main naal inna de jitt laiNda sansaar je chaahNda...

ikk mai, te ikk mai hee haaN mer kol hune;
kee kar laiNda mai karna tainu pyar je chaahNda...

dil vick kasak jehi hurdum ikk utthdi e;
kar laiNda koshish karni mai ikk vaar je chaahNda....

mudhna wapis shayad mumkin reha nahi;
mudhna mai ikk vaar te kee lakh vaar je chaahNda...

ikk tere baajh eh jagg hanera lagda e;
rabb kar diNda rushnai oh ikk vaar je chaahNda...

par, rabb nu vee kee dosh davaa iss baare hun;
rabb sadd laiNda ke saddna mai ikk vaar je chaahNda...

Test Entry

Using Ubuntu Blogging front-end for API

It doesn't matter anymore !!!

I have been losing my temper quite a bit these days... and it had made things turn to worse sometimes. I think I don't see the things as positive as I used to. It could also be a reason that there is not enough positive aura around me. People still think that it wasn't a right move to come back, and it is pressed against me time and again. I guess that the feeling was of being not wanted is the reason for short temperament. I think it all boils down to how you feel from within. If you feel that you are unwanted then YOU start thinking that why the hell should you care, and it shouldn't matter to people what you do if they don't want you here or are not exactly fine with it. Living with a condition is inherently different than accepting and embracing it.

At times I look back and try to decide whether it was correct to do what I did and decisions I took. Decision to move on with her, decision to leave all of it and come back or leave all this in the first place. Only answer that I get is that whatever I did was right in that context, but the real question is that was it worth it? Only reasonable outcome of it all is that it doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't matter anymore if I loved someone, it doesn't matter anymore if I stayed back, it doesn't even matter anymore if I come back tonight or not. I guess only thing that matter is NOW. With all this arrogance and short temperament within, I don't know what is it going to be.

Yeh kya jagah hai dosto, yeh kaun sa dyar hain...

had – e – nigaah tak jahaaN, gubaar hee gubaar hai...

There is just news..Not Good or Bad

Evidently the times are bad. All I end up writing here is about deaths and bad things. Another one hit me last week. The count was to be two almost. I won't write about who were the people and what happened to them because it won't matter & to people whom it matters know it already.

    I have been pushing this post for so long now. and for the sole reason that I didn't have anything to add to it except obituaries and condolences. It had made me feel that there is nothing good around. I don't think I have heard any good news in quite some time now.

Ofcourse as an alternate theory, There is just news. Its not good or bad. All this has made me think about many things in tandem and look at things in a different perspective. I think with the passing of time all things are in there for a reason. Also, these events have strengthen my belief that everything that happens to us is a result of what we have done. Now it may sound a bit Zen or theological, but if you think upon it you may find me correct. I believe that this is how Karma behaves. Concept of Paap-punya is directly related to the luck or Naseeb as you may call it. In short, everything that you do or not do, comes back to you, Good or Bad. As an example, and pretty harsh one, WE did not care about the security of our office last year and it resulted in a burglary, which in turn upset many things. I guess my point here is that we should not only be seeing what we ARE doing but also what we are NOT doing. While doing ensures that you are moving forward, NOT doing would make things go even worse.

Coming back to more sane world, I think we are not doing too good professionally. I don't see how we are going to be businessmen. I am trying to change the mindset from self-employed to businessman but I think there is a gap. Either one of us, me or them, is assuming something. This assumption is I think the gap. Maybe its just the acquaintance that we have. Hmm.. Yes this could be the reason. Now it makes me think that since we all are so connected personally, we assume that the other one understands our Point of View. Now this is progress. I think I have found a gap while writing this, and this may help us look at the things from a new angle. Load off my chest.

Signing off...

Condolences

With a heavy heart, I write about untimely demise of another sister in such a short time। Ironically, her demise is connected to the birth of new being. Presh has lost her sister to a medical complication during final stages of pregnancy. No words can fill the void that she has left. May Lord give her rest and peace in His Holy Abode . May God also give strength to all the people connected to her to bear the loss.

Responses...

I went through Sachin’s blog sometime ago. He has expressed about the loss of one of his friends at workplace. It was a due to some layoffs by company but which was apparently not publicized. I guess it was the surprise element that provoked Sachin’s thoughts in the direction which translated to words on his blog. All, who want to go through what he wrote, can visit http://sachin-sud.blogspot.com for a scoop.

Those words pretty much reflected my thoughts. Thoughts, that occurred to me when I left Jalandhar around 3 years ago. It is indeed sad to know and go through a phase where you have to do away with people to whom you are so well connected. This connection can be physical, emotional or spiritual. This connection can still be strong enough even if you haven’t met the person, as in Sachin and his friend’s case. My question here is that do we actually need a connection to sustain a relation. What if that connection is severed? Can we not find another connection to sustain the relation? I guess the answer lies in the fact that if it was a relation to begin with? Or was it just a connection? If it was a connection, then I am afraid that it was bound to be broken; and if it was a relation then only thing that can kill it is lack of effort from either side to retain it. I have talked many times about the necessity and importance of effort in a relation. In any case, Sachin is not finished with his thoughts on it, so I may be commenting too early on it.

Coming back to me, it is now around two months after my return to Jalandhar. I think it has been a pretty fine period. I agree that it hasn’t been as great as I thought, but hey, it was never supposed to be a cakewalk. I guess breaking old traditions and systems is easier said than done. I feel that the most difficult part is to eliminate the micro management culture that is prevalent here. I want to setup a fine system where responsibilities can be delegated and taken care of. Not that responsibilities are not delegated now, but the level of micro management practically renders the practice useless. I guess it is no use handing something to someone and then keep on nagging every two minutes. It is like undermining his/her capability and making him/her feel their incompetence. Anyways, I know that it is a tough job but I also know that it will be done. Sooner than later.

Lord bless all.

Collecting thoughts

"Its been a long time since I have added anything here...A lot of water has passed under the bridge since my last post...Although it was more of retaliation than reflection of thoughts...."

This is how I started this post almost a week ago... Full of thoughts, rage and disappointment. There have been some intricate things going on that kept me busy throughout....Reflecting on which I think they were more trivial in nature than intricate...

Coming to recent things, I celebrated my birthday this week... It has been a great event, thanks to some great people... Had it not been a combined effort by all, it would have been a different night altogether... Everyone put their best to enjoy themselves... Manish with his knack to arrange for things at the last moment, Presh with his handling, Terry with his usual jovial self, Chabbra ji for uncut humor and Jagpal, Anshu, Vivek & Bhalla with their ability to enjoy without reservations; made it a grand success... You can visit http://picasaweb.google.com/harjotsandhu/BirthdayBash to see what it was like...

It was a real effort by my IBM folks. It was almost an insurmountable task to come to Jalandhar and get back to Delhi in span of 24 hours...

TO ALL, WHO REMEMBERED THE OCCASION, YOU MEAN A LOT...AND TO THOSE WHO FORGOT, I STILL LOVE YOU....

Hmmmmmm

I came in here to write something after completing one month off IBM. I had some disconnected and distinct thoughts that I wanted to share here... However, all that has taken a backseat now as I just went through a comment on my last post... It struck me like a sledge hammer and I had all the right and means to moderate the comment and not publish it. I however chose not to do so and let the spirit of free speech stay alive. This, it seems is not a mutual thought among many. As clearly intended from the said comment, our chosen way was off track to get our voices heard or opinion counted. The comment also sounded like placing me in the center of all that happened. My take on it is, that if I had an influence over others to do this to our leader, which clearly wasn't the case; then he deserved this. There is no point of it all if we can't take a feedback professionally, and I deny to clarify myself to anyone who thinks that it should have been taken personally and rated as such.

I guess there were enough efforts from the side to generate a dialogue which almost EVERYTIME ended up as an arguement and not discussion. I also see the root of the problem as people, who for all these years have denied to question the authority. I distinctly remember Ritesh telling me to introspect for EVERYTHING that I talked to him about. I guess he didn't introspect enough to foresee it. I would again point out that if I can influence people against a leader, then I think he is not the leader for them...

I guess this rage will not let me write about anything else at this time... So long. Lord help all...

Currently.......

Its been a week here now. It is actually more than that, 12 days that is. These days have been a very struggling as far as settling in goes. I am still not able to get a sleep of more than 6-7 hours & enjoy a weekend at home. This whole diaspora of being at home has not been realized yet. I guess it will take some time before feeling actually start to sink in.

I am still in touch with many of the IBMers, though its not much that we talk about. It is general chit chat and thats where it all ends. I definitely miss all of them. I miss messing with Ritesh, I miss singing with Atri jee, I miss gorging with Jagpal, I miss flirting with Mano, Sneha, Jo, Geetika, Shaleenee and who not; I miss baklol with Anshu, I miss desipan with Garry, I miss hindi with Vinay, I miss everything. I don't see a place to have late night snack & I don't see a place to buy the drinks after hours.

It seems like that you actually can't beat a metro at all, let alone NCR.

Yeh dilli hai mere yaar, bas ishq mohabbat pyar...

Old Place...New Beginning....

Here I am...Sitting in my offfice at Jalandhar.....Still trying to recover from Jet lag...It is day two and I was already off work for the day..Just come in to replace Terry for the rest of the time...He had to leave, you know...

I am still trying to figure out the system and things to do before actually implementing any improvements to it...I guess I am just a day old here and one waste elimination idea is not bad.....The idea though is not entirely mine, but what good is an idea without implementation....
I think that options are available in abundance for changes to be made..The tough thing is to decide on what to do and how to go about it... Also the expectations and accountability is almost on magical levels, it seems... Nothing new though... Problem this time, however is that, that is why I am here now.... In case there are any issues in changes or transitions, I don't think I can justify myself...Not that I need to explain it to anyone, but to myself as well... I guess thats criminal's guilt building up.... Leaving IBM seems like leaving home now.. The feeling has finally started to build up and I hope it subsides too....
मुझ से बिछ्ढ़ के खुश रहते हो,
मेरी तरह तुम भी झूठे हो.

Ex-IBMer... Current professional...

I am an Ex-IBMer finally...It has been a highly speculative time... Some people believing it all to be a big joke that turned out out to be shocking truth... Now, I didn't feel any different today than any other day at office. Everything was so usual except the people's behavior toward me... They had this feeling that I can't describe.. Everyone was talking abut the same thing and asking the exact same questions...Some people still found it hard to believe that I would not be walking the calculus floor again...Not for quite some time at least...

Question that comes to my mind now is that if it will make any difference in my mindset...Will not being a part of IBM make any difference in how I look at myself....This is keeping in mind that I was a minuscule part of it and it actually didn't make any difference to the bigger universe...People move in and out of organizations everyday...I have taken the jump but will I be able to cross the quarry...After being so detached to and independent of family, Will I be able to hold on to all of it at once..Will it not overwhelm? I know it sounds negative and foolish, especially when there is no looking back...but the question still remains...

I guess Gaurav wins here...Its My way or Highway.....

Crossing the Iron Curtain...

Finally, I have decided to move on from my current position...Yes..I have resigned from IBM and now moving back to Jalandhar to join Impel....yet again..The decision has not been taken on impulse nor has it been decided overnight...It has taken a long time and a lot of thought..Of course it has its own share of speculations to it, but overall it has been a very much thought of step.. I have taken into consideration the valuable inputs from all around including, but not limited to, Prabh, Jagpal, Anshu & Nikhil. Yet manu other have expressed their doubts and concerns about the move , i guess overall it has been received well....The decision that is....Sunny is visibly upset about it, sole reason being that he would be left alone in almost a quarter of a year. Same sentiments have expressed by others at office as well, primarily Ritesh and Anshu. Jagpal has in hidden words said so as well(mai bhukkha reh jaana kanjra) but I think he is happy for me overall...

Professionally, I think it would be smart to move to my core skill. Something that I have attached myself since my school days. Impel. I don't think I can detach myself from it anyways, with or without working with them. I consider it more of working with them instead of working for them. The feeling about fact that I would be returning to base in 10 days or so is very different. I don't think I am feeling anything different though. It is mixed with pangs of sadness, confusion, sympathy and what not, but I guess it is all part of game. that is what it is at end of the day. A game which we all are trying to beat the life at.

प्यास बुझा सकता नहीं, मेरी बस इक्क पैमाना

मुझको तोह बस पीना है मय्खाने का मयखाना.

Transitions..Changes..Broader Views...

These past 15 days have been a heck of a time...Too many things and I guess too short of a time...

First things first, Gopi got married last weekend..yep our own Casanova is now committed to one.

The occasion however brought it's own set of problems for us..First we had to find a new place for us, that is Me, Prabh & Sunny. Believe me it has been the toughest job since landing in Delhi. We are finally settled into a PG now...Yep, provided the current condition we are in, it is better to live in a PG....

Second significant thing that has happened in this period is that Kapil has resigned from his position as DM quality to join another organization in a better position and better conditions. For all those who don't know who he is, I guess it doesn't matter to them. Obviously, if you don't know him then it should not concern you. Its been a quite an experience working with him. And I must say that it has not been pleasant ride all along. As with any other relationship, personal or professional, this one also had its ups and downs. We hated to love him and loved to hate him at times...It was other way round as well at some point...But I guess that happens with everyone, everywhere. Honestly, no grudges or regrets...It is all part of game I guess...You win you lose but you keep on playing... Thanks Kapil...for being there..doing that....

Third thing that is over my mind these days is actually an urge, not an event. I have this strong feeling of leaving all this and returning back to my place. This thought has been triggered by a proposal to join Impel, back at home, somewhat persistently. Manish and Terry has offered me to join back in better position and improved conditions. I would be leaving for Jalandhar this weekend to discuss he proposal. I might decide to return to base finally. I have my reservations to it though। In case I don't fit in there, like I felt earlier, I don't think I have the option to move out and start all over like I did 3 years ago. This decision would decide if these three years were invested or wasted. I have been trying to talk to Ritesh (my manager) about it for last couple of days but he is too busy to talk about anything else. I don't want it be a surprise for him. I guess it would be a shock for him. Although I know that he won't acknowledge it.

I guess somethings are better left to destiny. They should be dealt only when faced with them.

Lets see...It is just a couple of days before I am actually into the mode to decide about it. This would need a lot of thought and urging (self-urging rather) to make a move. Now I understand what crossing the Iron curtain mean.

Again. These are for you Kapeel.. :-)

करोगे याद तोह हर बात याद आयेगी, गुज़रते वक्त की हर मौज ठहर जायेगी ।

गली के मोड़ पे सूना सा कोई दरवाज़ा, तरसती आंखों से रास्ता किसी का देखेगा,

निगाह दूर तलक जाके लौट आएगी.

Condolences !!!

This post is dedicated to condole the loss of a dear one to one of my best friends....Anshu has lost his sister to unforeseen... No words can fill the void that the departed has left and no one can replace the any other person...She was what she was and no one can be her...or take her place...Yet so is the world's doings...We must move on....May the lord give Her family the power to bear the grief and move forward... May lord be with her and keep her in his shelter forever and ever....
कभी देखो मन नही जागे, पीछे पीछे सपनो के भागे,
एक दिन सपनो का राही चला जाए सपनो के आगे.

Disconnected Thoughts...

I see darkness... Darkness out there...Darkness in here...darkness standing on terrace...darkness sitting in a room...darkness of the night...darkness of the mighty heart...this makes me think...or this thinking makes me ponder..why is it such dark everywhere..be it me, anyone or anything..everything is of a dark shade..Even white seems like a faded shade of black...And no, I am not depressed or under influence of alcohol at the moment...and I am not frustrated at this time too... Its just that the thought came along with many other...

Other thoughts..that include my carrier, people around me..people far from me, people close to me & people away from me...I don't see the reason for being so connected...yet so disengaged...no one actually gives a damn about anything other than what directly or indirectly concerns them...Heck they don't even care about things that affect them indirectly...

And what about love...has there to be a commitment to it..has there to be a condition to it....
I know what you are thinking Prabh(meet), but its not about her alone...Its about any kind of love that you might think of...family..friends..work....anything....I prided myself for being a workaholic..but that love for work doesn't exist anymore...does that make me less committed to it..I don't think so...So if commitment doesn't demand love...How come love needs commitment...and if they are mutually independent..then why the hell do we have to talk about getting it out of our minds...I guess you see where I am getting to...I don't want to venture into that territory... I really don't want to..Let it rest here...

हजारों ख्वाहिशे ऐसी के हर ख्वाहिश पे दम निकले,
बहुत निकले मेरे अरमान, मगर फ़िर भी कम निकले.

Near future....Don't know....

I have taken a step to move away from my current situation...Problem is that I am not sure if that is what I will do... Of course I want to end all this and return to normal life, if it exists that is...but then, what do I need to do..or do I even need to do anything or just wait...I hope waiting is not what I should be doing...It is wise to make the hay while sun shines..So I should start the efforts now and look for things as they come... Its no harm in being prepared...

I even got an offer to return to base...in new improved conditions...My hesitation is that the conditions might come across again which forced me to jump the curtain last time...People are of opinion that this would not happen but then if it does, I don't think I can do another transition....All these choices are actually making things worse for me...and these aren't even realized into choices..these are just plans that are being formulated around me....

Returning back to base also would have some loss of face attached to it I guess.... Maybe returning is not an option..Maybe it is...but then that all would need an intimate, if not lengthy, discussion... A small pep talk is not enough to help me decide on such a big decision....I need someone to talk about it heart to heart...Another difference is that people are not assertive to this idea to the extent that they were sometime ago...If it would have been an offer a year or so earlier, I guess enough people would have plainly denied on it..but now, to almost everyone I talked to about it, sounds OK about it...Of course they have their own reservations but they are not the same kind that they had earlier..

So I don't know what future holds....not that anyone else knows but I don't even know what the flow is and where might I land up in a year or so...Help me decide...

Frustration...All around !!!

I have realized something this weekend...that frustration is much more prevalent than it seems...There are more people affected by it than what I am able to see...The realization came to me when I was consoling someone...We were talking about the frustration in both personal and professional life...and the question she posed was "Why me?" The answer came to me like a lighting bolt and in almost a reflex action I rattled it off...It wasn't actually an answer to her question but more of response to it...and that made me feel better as well personally. I said, and realized too, that there is no way we can know that it is happening only to us..There might be other people who are dealing with similar or may be more stress than us...Can anyone tell that she is in so much pain by just looking at her..No..not even the people she meets at the office daily...Similarly you can't tell what others are going through.... So stop pitying yourself and move on...

Then I realized that the same applies to me as well...Why be so frustrated with people around me... Why take it out on them??? After all this whole frustration thing is based on the assumed premise that it is happening only to me and all other are better off....Now this maybe right or wrong..but there is no way to know...So moving on is the only option that we have...

यूं तो मालूम है जन्नत की हकीकत लेकिन,
दिल के खुश रखने को ग़ालिब ये ख्याल अच्छा है...

Taste buds...Yummmmm!!!!

Hurrayy!!!! It is my 50th post ...and what better topic to write other than food and celebrations....

Naseer, one of my peers, got married last week... and by virtue of which I had my long desire fulfilled..to eat hardcore Muslim food..and believe me..it tastes as good as it looks....I don't remember when was last time I had such subtly flavored chicken lolly pop...or so soft Seekh kebabs....

Now some of you might find it offensive that I should be eating hardcore Muslim food being a Sikh...but I have another view on it...One, I shouldn't be eating any kind of meat in the first place...Second, If I do, that is eat meat, it shouldn't matter how is it cooked because you can't guarantee if its jhatka or halaal sitting in a restaurant....So my advice...go on and indulge if you eat meat....It doesn't matter who or where is it cooked as long as its hygienic..or at least projected to be hygienic....I mean what you don't know doesn't hurt you....kind of twisted but I call it reverse logic....

So coming back to wedding part..It was quite a lavish and liberal wedding compared to what we had imagined...lots of ladies around..and good food too..We had so much snacks that we could only so much for main course...It was a Non-vegetarian's heaven out there that night... and then we had a lazy cup of coffee at CCD while returning...Incidentally there were four Muslim women and a couple of guys at the CCD...All four ladies were wearing burkha...Seems like it was Muslim night out... :-)

I am craving for some more of the similar food...Probably I would end up eating some usual kebabs or chicken dishes...I think its time to sign-off coz writing about all this is pushing me more towards craving for the food....

Go on..Indulge...

Out of the Box...Really?

I was just going through the newspaper when an Advert caught my Eye...It was about a session by someone from American Society of Quality(ASQ). One of the topics that he was to talk about was thinking out of the box... It really made me think and a whole chain of thoughts unfolded...

I think that this whole concept is self contradictory...I may not be entirely correct but then, someone needs to clarify it...By definition thinking out of the box would mean thinking beyond your boundaries or from a new perspective...That means that we first need to define the box...and so that would mean that you must acknowledge the boundaries or blocks around you...I feel that this acknowledgement of the 'box' itself contradicts the concept...What or who, then, would decide what the box is...It cannot be you... because if you think that you are thinking out of the box that means you have decided upon the box...but what made you decide on that box size...You can define the domain of your authority...but can you really decide upon domain of your thinking?

So is this whole concept of thinking out of the box a management fad?....Seems so...but then..who knows...someone might have greater clarity on it...Lets see...I will comeback to it if I have some more insight...

Another transition???

I have spent time to introspect since my last post...and thought of another transition has crossed my mind more than once....Thought of leaving it all and starting onto something different..entirely out of it...where my work would decide what would it be and not other way around....of course every job is designated by some vision and goal but the kind of contorted vision that we are made to follow all this time has made me look at all this from a different point of view altogether... Maybe I will join Prabh in quest to finding a better option..Better in terms of personal life and peace of mind..probably job security and better prospects..This is not taking me anywhere...3D vision has started fading as it seems dark all around....All this time spent is all waste if there are no opportunities in here...that is I think the biggest problem of all... All the experience that you garner over time is of no use anywhere else...unless you are in managerial position for quite sometime of course...but that kind of position and profile is something that I don't see coming for quite sometime...and I am not the only one with this view...Seemingly this is common all around....from senior leadership to Operation workforce...FLs, TLs, DMs.....All seem to be bitten by the reality bug..but it probably is too late to deal with it...it is all uphill from here....and I don't mind going uphill if I know that there is a peak and I have it in visible range...no matter how far it is, I want to see the peak so I can decide to walk the path...Problem is I don't see the peak..I bloody don't even see the road to it.... All I can say is that these are tough times and I need to work it out before I go berserk and take some desperate &  disastorous step...

Itni shakti hamein dena daata...mann ka vishwas kamzor ho na....

Trip to heaven....and back

I was on a short trip recently to Amritsar... A real short one which infact was longer than my usual visit home..an extended weekend that is...I t was me, Jagpal, Anshu & Vivek on this trip...and all of us were us...No office, no targets, no KRAs, no nothing...

It had been a relaxing trip overall...Mentally at least, if not physically... Phsically we were kind of exhausted with virtual continuous travel...Delhi to Jalandhar to Amritsar to Jalandhar to Delhi....Three places..three days..and we were back on third day.....This trip has given me what I longed for quite sometime...a break..a  much needed break....

But it has been quite a different experience after coming back....I believe that everything that we experience is relative...and in this environment of relativity one have enough reasons to pity himself and/or commend himself....Whatever I do would be good compared to one thing and worse in comparison to another...The recent couple of days have been very unusual at the office...I have never seen the environment so uncertain...It seems like the Aura has taken a permanent dip... I see no positivity around me... All that I feel is a silence and sense to conceal things that may have some hideous faces...and this concealing dips the Aura further...I think its no use hiding things that are to be revealed sooner than later. It think this is the time where we need each other more than anytime in past or in any near future...The time sure is make or break but the real test lies in standing against whatever comes our way...As Sylvester Stallone said in Rocky VI,"It doesn't matter how hard you hit. What matters is how hard a hit can you take and still move forward" . So I am gearing myself for the hit...It may or may not come my way directly, but a hit is waiting...waiting in the shadows...stealthily..stalking me...everytime...everyday...That is one of the primary reasons that I try to be as cheerful as I can..to conceal the fear....to be there...ready to take the hit.... 'coz.....

I WILL NOT DIE !!!