Depressed...Fallen.....Loser???

I was thinking about my office today and i found out something.....I think i discovered a new meaning for CK..nope..i definitely don't mean Calvin Klien..I think more appropriate use of CK would be Corporate Kill....Other than that you may have your own versions....I believe you got my sentiments here....All i wanna convey here is that you can be never sure about anything out here....you never know when its gonna hit you in the face...



I may sound depressed but the truth however is that YES I AM.....not of kind that i would be glum and sit idle all day long thinking into nowhere....well i must say this is kinda close...but i don't think about it unless someone actually brings about the topic....



I don't know where i am heading to....this job has started getting on my nerves...if don't move on to some new position in a couple of months i think i am going to go berserk.....not that i am desperate for some drastic change in my professional life but atleast there should be some progress...i have started having these sudden pangs of depression and desperation...seems like i don't know where i am heading....i am now constantly in fear...and irony is that its the same fear that kept me going all these year....fear of failure....failure of not being able to achieve somone's expectations......failure of not getting there...failure in love...failure in life....fear of rejection is another thing that i keep fighting all the time....my take at rejection is a bit different...if i am not at the center of attraction i feel people are ignoring me.....i am very touchy about not being at center of attraction....if someone does not think that i can do it than i take it personally even though that person may not even know about me.....my thought about myself is that I am the best there was..the best there is and the best there will be.....and i fight to keep it alive.....


what does that make me??? definitely not a loser.....right??? but then in htink that its not the time to decide yet...anyways what do i have to lose....nothing i believe, except my ego...but that is one of the two things i care about most...my image and my position.....this same self-reliance has taken me a long way from a small cute kid to being THE Sherry.....The ONE......but now i feel that i decide too much about things without letting other factors interfere...That would mean that if i consider something i say is not going to be the way i want it to be, then i would stick to it...thats perception i think....but then i think i will have to learn to mould my thinking and learn that there are other factors that can alter the normal course of things happening around us...

Have you noticed that how many time have i used the phrase "But then i think" in this whole post....sned me correct number and get a surprise gift..:-D...not really... but seriously have you noticed it??....maybe that explains my state of mind at this time.....i am not sure about most of the things...perhaps i am not sure about anything..SEE i am not even sure about it.....i need someone to give me something that i have always given to others....soe courage and wisdom to move on.....i feel like i am constantly chasing something...i don't know what....maybe you do....


God loves all.....

Change in me???

Wowie!!!!! I am adding to this blog second time in a month...Am i out of my mind??? Me being myself shouldn't be doing this....someone stop me......funny, eh? Well not so....This is something i have been planning for a long time now...if you go through my preious posts inhere you will notice that on almost every post i regret not being a regular here.....Probably its going to change now....but then, who knows???
I am feeling quite jolly NOW.....it isn't that i was feeling like this all day long but believe me listening to a jovial song can change your mood and it really work wonders....

The primary reason i decided to write today is that its Prabhmeet's Birthday....HAPPY BIRTHDAY buddy!!! I tried calling the jerk at midnight and got a sleepy shoulder(cold shoulder ;) ) Other than that he is a real gem of a person...one that i can't afford to loose...Public wisdom says that you need to make your friends carefully, but I say that you can't choose who will be your friends...However you can choose who will stay.....So obviously i have along list of "Friends" but then i decided to keep only 3. Yeah.... just 3...Prabh,Nikki and cheenu....sadly cheenu is not very approachable now...he has gone to Australia for furthur studies and better future as per him....but i am happy for him...it was always a dream for him to go abroad...now thats a diffrents story that he always wanted to go to canada or america.....All in all i am happy for him.....Nikki is quite happy at dreamweavers where he is working now....Growing by leaps and bounds....and my deal ol' prabhmeet.....not so sure about what he is gonna do..but i am pretty sure, if not him, that he is gonna make it big someday...he is a real phoenix....will definitely rise.....its in him....he is the kind of person who would stay low only to bounce back and reach new heights......

One more thing that differntiates him from other two is that he is least intrested in my sex life(i.e if i have one in the first place :-D) Nikki and cheenu are always devising some plans for mew on sexual front...no success so far....Also he, and of course me too, does that EFFORT to reach to people, to be in contact, to be there whenever you need him. He is the kind of person who will never be out of touch. Thats my Dilbar......

Nikhil on other hand is scheming type of us four...he has got a plan for everything and also to bypass everything....is a real wizard on such things....believe me, if i commit something in here to someone, he will be the one i will reach out to complete that commitment....I know only he can do it in jalandhar... If he says it can't be done..then, take my word, it cannot be....We call this highly sophisticated technology JUGAAD....So he is a great asset to Jugaad community....

Cheenu can be defined in three words...Girls, Money and Sex...Don't put put girls and sex in same category....his philosphy if you have dirty money, you can have hell of sexual life....and also you can get a decent girl for you....however he also contradicts that a good girl won't look much at the money you have...nowadays it seems he is involved more into second thing....and its justifed too...after all he is an alien country..he has to earn to learn and survive....because the type of families WE have means that self-survival is the only technique of survival at all......

I think thats enough for today... I will share some more insights about these people and many more shortly.....Bye for now....Chao....

Another one gone...

Another month gone....i don't know why i am not able to be more regular on here.....Everytime i decide to write something, someone has to walk in with some urgent work and....well talking about progress from last month i don't think there has been anything of importance personally or professionally..Though i am one step closer to being a senior CCS that is ofcourse if i get a top ranking this month too....that would also mean a step closer to being at ACTUAL next level...

On personal level, the more i try to get involved the more segregated i get...i feel like i am getting to a diffrent world all together...new people..new places...new everyone and everything....nowadays i also think about my relation with her...i don't know where this relation is going...that is if its going anywhere in first place...

Sometimes i start wondering, like i am right now, that where would it all end??? Where would i be finally settled??? or what would i be doing??? Will i migrate to somewhere...will i stay here in delhi...will i go back to jalandhar or chandigarh...exactly what would i be doing........And then comes the flash light....the thought that my time is NOW....I AM THE ONE....and that gives me strength to carry on..with all those thoughts..with all that burden...

I am trying to listen to silence around me....figuratively ofcourse......i tried literally too but beleive me its too difficult to handle....being the person i am its veru difficult to just sit there in complete silence and do nothing...there is that twitch to keep on doing something all the time...this was also one the primary reasons to start this blog....a place to vent out was ofcourse the other major one...sometimes i just want to get out of here,,but then i give it a thought and only one thing strikes me...get out to WHERE???
Please let me know if anyone has the answer.....